Hyena's as Pets

 

 

Hyena’s as pets. What about some wild monkeys?

 

Exotic.

 

But remember that all wild animals are wild. They will strike back one day. Its best to leave them as they are.

 

 

I am Nigerian But They Wont Let Me In.

I heard this from my colleague.

It was Friday and the boys wanted to go for a beer to a local bar in Victoria Island called YNot, which is just opposite the office. Out at the office gate, they saw the office boy (local Nigerian) and coaxed him into going with them to YNot. But to their surprise, the office boy was not allowed into YNot. The didn't give any explanation other than he cant come in. I think it mainly because one look at him and they knew he doesn't earn much. But to discriminate someone just because they don't earn as much as others is ridiculous. And for what, a drink? In the end, my colleagues had to pay the bouncer to allow our Nigerian office boy into the bar for a drink.

Rules, according to Man!

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side ...

Now here are the rules from the male side.  

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday is for Sports!
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, PLEASE say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

No Glo!

Glo, a mobile service provider in Nigeria, has been sort of out of service the last 3 days. I cant make calls to Glo numbers but I can make calls to other networks using my Glo sim. My colleagues on MTN and Eti Salat arent having such problems with their mobile service. This is the first time Glo has choked on me. How long more do I have to put up with this? Anyone want to trade their MTN with my Glo, which still has close to N1800 credit left?

Bank Robbery

The FBI reports a 20 percent decrease in bank robberies in 2009.

You know the economy is bad when even bank robbers are out of work.

I Am Breathing Sand

The Hematite Sand storm from the Sahara has arrived, one month late. It's usually arrives in Lagos every December but last year was an exception but Lagos didnt escape the sand storm as its at our door step now. But Lagos isnt affected as badly as the other northern states in Nigeria where visibility reduces drastically. Here in Lagos, visibility is still good. But the bright yellow morning is now dark, red glow. There is red dust on all cars left outside and some of my colleagues report difficulty in breathing.

Panic Link?

Was updating my resume today on this new website my colleague showed me and in the top right corner was the word Panic.

It was pretty obvious the developer of the website was himself an employee because the Panic button, when clicked, goes straight to Google. A nice idea. Maybe Jobstreet should implement something similar.

Random Thoughts

These thoughts are courtesy of Philip Humbert.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I go to exit out of Word and it asks if I want to save changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? HELLO!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I bet on any given Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay's.

Law Abiding Citizen

Watched our first movie in Nigeria. Watched it at the cinema at the Palms (aka Shoprite), in a urine smelling, damp theater 4. If anyone from Golden Deluxe Cinema reads this, do clean up your cinema.

 

Anyway, for N500 or RM12.50 each, wifey and I watched Law Abiding Citizen, starring Gerard Butler and Jamie Fox.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) is a brilliant planner and inventor, who used to work for the US Department of Defense as the brains behind their intelligence unit. One night two robbers invade his Philadelphia home and brutally kill his wife and daughter, and almost kill him. The killers are caught, and Assistant DA Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) is assigned the case. Nick is ordered by the DA to make a deal with one of the killers to testify against his partner for a 10 year plea bargain prison sentence. Clyde doesn't want Nick to make the deal, but Nick says it was too late and the deal is done. The other killer got the death penalty. After 10 years, the other killer is released from prison, and he soon ends up dead. Clyde is arrested and kind of admits to Nick that he did it. Clyde is put in jail, and he warns Nick that he must fix the broken justice system that failed him and his family or else anyone connected to his case will soon die. Even from jail, Clyde's threats become a reality, and Nick must stop Clyde before his family is next

 

The movie, overall, was exciting but the ending was very lame. The producers seemed at loss of how to end the movie, so they killed of Clyde in the most simplest way while arrogant Nick gets to play the hero. It would have been better to have allowed Clyde to have somehow escaped and then allowed the man hunt to begin. Killing Clyde in prison was just too easy.

 

Oh well, maybe Avatar in a cleaner cinema next week.

Dinner with the Bosses

Two weeks into the year and everyone was yearning for a break and a break we got, courtesy of Gary Webster and Gerywn Williams. We had a wonderful dinner at Chokolat Royal, a fancy dining place in Victoria Island, or was it Lekki, who knows? Just look at the walk way within the restaurant.

 

Some of us early birds started with some cool drinks at the balcony of the restaurant.

 

 

Below are some pictures of the night. We had the choice of a steak, prawn or spicy chicken. I had the steak but those who had the prawn said there were huge and absolutely mouth watering. But unfortunately I was too busy eating to take any picture except for my desert, the Mexican Cigar (chocolate ice cream and bananas).

 

And the rest of the pictures… All name given from foreground to back.

 

Daniel, Tim and Jason. Tim had just trimmed his Joe Cross style beard the night before.

 

Daniel, yours truly and Samir, the Egina project manager for.

 

Andrew, Gerwyn (the second most powerful man in JP Kenny), Hazem and David.

 

Paul, Alek, Jon and John & the man with the menu.

 

The thinker James, Tim and Daniel. James always thinks hard before every meal. Tim is the one who provides all the laughter in any room he’s in – a good sport. Daniel the brain.

 

My boss, Pinto; Gary, the big boss; Craig and Jason, my bosses boss.

 

I think you know the cast by now.

 

David and Jason.

 

Andrew must be trying hard to convince Gerwyn of something. I wonder if he succeeded?

 

Hazem and David.

 

One for the camera – John, Jon, Alek and Paul.

 

Two good friends – Alek and Paul.

 

The coolest kid on the block – Hazem.

 

Samir, the Egina project manager.

 

The restaurant maitre d’.

 

 

The four pictures below were taken at the bar where the bar man was busy serving some hard liquor. Note the extra smiles!

It was a fun night. 5 hours of good food, drinks and more importantly, good company. Gary made a comment about the team spirit in the team – a bunch of people gathered quite quickly from all over the world, working in Lagos for 4 months now, under some tough conditions and yet we’re doing well.

Thanks Gary for a wonderful night out. Hopefully we can have this every week ;)

Charlton

To the children of Mr. Charlton, thanks for dropping by often. Soon I'll post some pictures of the dinner hosted by the JP Kenny big bosses.

It's Cold in Nigeria

It's cold in Nigeria. I never thought I'd say such a thing about an African country but it rained this morning, temperature was around 22C, and then it warmed up to around 29C in the afternoon and in the evening, the temperature dropped to around 20C again. And according to the locals here, this is the typical weather in Lagos.

This is mainly due to the cool currents the Atlantic ocean brings from the South Pole. And Lagos sits right at the edge of the continent, it gets the full brunt of the cold wind.

I am liking it.

Ponder This...

Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly. 

- Thomas H. Huxley, 1825-1895

I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts. 

- John Locke, 1632-1704

I'm very pleased with each advancing year. It stems back to when I was forty. I was a bit upset about reaching that milestone, but an older friend consoled me. 'Don't complain about growing old - many, many people do not have that privilege.' 

- Earl Warren, 1891-1974

Ways to Skip Past a Voice-Mail Menu

I wonder if this will work with AIA Malaysia's automated voice mail system. Which I found to be the worst voice mail system ever. It is so hard to get to speak to someone. AIA went to a lot of measures to avoid talking to its customers by implementing a voice mail system that is son confusing and terribly useless.

******

 

To bypass the voice mail menu and speak to a live person, just mumble into the phone or else speak nonsense. The system won't be able to  understand you, and therefore may have no choice but to connect you with a live person.

 

If that doesn't work, say nothing. The system may sense a rotary phone and connect you with a live operator.

 

Should all else fail, select the "cancel service" option from the voice mail menu. If the company thinks it's going to lose you as a customer, someone may try to convince you otherwise - in person.

 

Source: Words from Woody, Winter 2010.

The World’s Tallest Building

A view of Burj Dubai, the world’s tallest building, one day before its opening.

 

And a view of Dubai from the air.

 

Mark Hughes Gone?

Just as predicted earlier in the season, Mark Hughes was sacked as Manchester City manager this morning.

Interesting Sites

1. 30 Unusual and Surreal Artworks. Images that astound you.

2. Serial coffee drinkers are more likely to feel "the presence of dead people", British researchers found. They asked students about their caffeine intake and those with the highest were also most likely to report seeing, or hearing, things that were not there.

Read more about these and other stories in Ghosts, Masturbation and Other Weird Stories

3. Big Fat Lies - things you should (and I should) know about weigh loss.

4. 10 Dumbest Facebook Fan Pages ... With Thousands of Fans - these people have too much time!

5. Picture of the Day of a Cool Swerve. The have nice scenaries in Norway and I guess that was how they got the inspiration to build this road.

6. Lastly, check out how to make bottles disappear.

Sunday Morning Jokes

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

A. About three inches.

Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?

A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch!

Source: http://www.stupidsticks.com/forum/yaf_postsm211_His-and-Her-One-Liner-Jokes.aspx

Maxis Broadband – Simply Terrible!

Maxis Wireless Broadband is possible the worst product Maxis has ever rolled out. For a company which prides itself as Malaysia’s largest and widest coverage mobile company, how it can still sign up subscribers to its pathetic wireless broadband service is beyond me. Picture below is my connection speed - 0.92 kbps!

 

 

The only locations where I could get up to 90% connection was at Sunway Medical Centre and 1Utama New Wing Shopping Centre. Even at KLCC 4th floor food court, my connection speed was less than 50% – and this was only a stone throw away from Maxis HQ!

 

And judging from comments on Facebook on Maxis Broadband, I guess I am not the only disgruntled customer. Many have come disappointed before me and many will come after me. I hope they read this post before they decide to opt for Maxis Wireless broadband.

 

Streamyx here I come.

Jokes

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!'

 

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

 

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,

then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

 

A little boy went up to his father and asked,

'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'

His father replied,  

'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.'

 

Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying,

'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.'

The mother wrote back the next day,

'If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father!'

 

Off from Lagos, Over Doha and Back to KL

A view of Lagos from the air. Note the population density.

 

A view of Doha at night. Note the bright lights and a very long street in the middle of the picture.

 

Landing at KLIA. Contrast the brown of Lagos and the green of KL.

 

We noted this unique structure near Port Klang. Is this North Port?

 

Another interesting structure…LNG carrier docking port?

 

Dark clouds brewing on the horizon.

 

And to my nerdy aerospace friend, Kok Siong, is there anything wrong with the airplane flaps?

I'm Hallucinating...

I can already taste and smell the nasi lemak and ikan bilis sambal...

The Lost Chapter of Genesis

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. 

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" 

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. 

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." 

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" 

God replied, "An arm and a leg." 

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" 

The rest, of course, is history......................