Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Malaysian Humour

One fine day, Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong visited India to meet their PM to negotiate trade terms. During the lunch break the Prime Minister of India suggested taking PM Goh for a spin in his helicopter and view India's city lifestyle. 

As PM Goh was enjoying the bird's eye view from above, he noticed an overpopulated village with unhygienic living conditions. A man was even shitting in his backyard. PM Goh was fast to comment how unsightly it is and that India's people are so uncivilised. India's PM was so humiliated and vowed to himself that he'll humiliate PM Goh when he gets to visit S'pore. 

When he really did visit S'pore the following month, PM Goh too offered him a ride in his helicopter to see the Singaporean lifestyle. For a whole hour, India's PM was trying to spot a fault. Finally he saw a place where people lit erally littered the streets, and as he had a closer look, he even noticed a man shitting on the grass verge. He quickly pointed out to PM Goh about it and said, "You said Singapore was nothing like India. How do you account for this?" 

PM Goh looked closer, smiled and replied "Aaahhh.. we called that place - Little India". 

Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"? You know, that very little 600 cc car ??? 

Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA. 

After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, You know, I think this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans." 

Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America". 

Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia. 

The next day he called the number and a lady answered, " TOYS R US",Can I help you" 

Mr. Samy-vellu went for the recent United Nations' Meeting. He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister. 

All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2015. Here are some of the conversations: 

China Delegate : "By the year 2003, China will start their moon exploration project." 

Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon." 

George Bush: "We the United States will also explore the moon for the second time." 

Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2015, Malaysia will explore the sun." 

There was a long silence. 

Bush stood up and asked the Malaysian Delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?" 

Samy Vellu (after a long silence):"We will do it in the evening."
There are three major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese and Indian. 

The Malays have the political power and so they set up the party UMNO, which literally means "U Must Not Object". 

The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the economy and they called their party MCA which means "Money Conquers All". 

Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics or economics. They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every parliamentary meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"

Monday, October 26, 2009

Tech Support Boyfriend

Courtesy of someone who is looking for a tech support boyfriend...

Short Video Tour of Lekki Beach Market

This is a short video of our aborted Lekki Beach Market tour this morning. Observe two things: how close the Mercedes Benz came to our car at the roundabout and the Chicken Republic outlet.


Traffic rules in Nigeria – non-existent most of the time. It’s first come first serve basis and the larger car gets the upper hand. Everyone pushes their way through traffic. Since traffic is heavy most of the time, vehicles move slowly, too close for my comfort but everyone gets to their destination one way or another.


The short rainy season is over now. From mid-October to March is the long, dry season. This is what we usually see on TV – dry season, water becomes a valuable but scarce resource.



Sunday Market

It was Sunday and we decided to take a peek at the famous Lekki Beach Market. In Malaysia, Sunday would be a very busy day at the market. But to our surprise, Lekki Beach Market was deserted. Apparently business only runs from 6 am to 4 pm, Monday to Saturday.


We work in Victoria Island, we live in Ikoyi and we shop at Lekki.

Victoria Island (VI) is an over priced island. That’s where all the expats work and live. The poorer ones live outside Victoria Island, in Ikoyi and surrounding areas. Prices in Lekki are 1/5 of that in VI.



Here is how deserted the market was. What you couldn't see was the large, crater sized pot holes on the road.

DSC06051  DSC06038 DSC06039 DSC06040 DSC06041  DSC06043 DSC06044 DSC06045 DSC06046 DSC06047 DSC06048 DSC06049 DSC06050


This is a very common way of carrying junior around.



This is the largest shopping mall here, I think, called the Palms and the largest tenant is Shoprite and Game. Game has more varieties but slightly more expensive than Shoprite.



We wanted to shop at Park n’ Shop but some reason it was closed today, so we ended up at a new place just close to my office called Goodies. It’s a Lebanese super market. This is where expats and well to-do Nigerians buy their groceries and fresh meat from. There was also a nice, cozy bakery inside.



Then when some dark clouds started appearing, we dashed off to Spice Bar to get some good Indian food. But like everything else in Nigeria, service is slow and somehow they screwed up our order. Typical.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

On the Sidelines...

By Lindsay Wright

I was sprawled on the living-room couch watching my favorite show on the Food Network when my husband walked in.

"Why do you watch those food shows?" he asked. "You don't even cook."

Glaring back at him, I asked, "Then why do you watch football?"

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Maybe I Should Nook!

Books, books, books - I love my books and they love me (although my wife complains that I have too many of them. Oh wifey, don't you understand me?)

I have to admit, I have too many books. And with my hard disk dying on me, keeping ebooks has always been an issue.

So maybe B&N's new Nook is something I must try. It's a hand held e-book reader. And it's not like reading an e-book on a laptop. Reading from an e-book reader is so much easier on the eyes. The soft background glow and the sharp contrast wording makes it easier for you to read for long hours. Nook allows you to store multiple books, depending on how much storage space you have. 

I don't know the exact features of Nook but I suspect it will allow you buy an e-book at any time, as long as you're connected to the Internet. One feature I know is Nook allows you to share books with another Nook for a certain number of days. This is a very good feature I believe.

What I do not know is how secure the device is. Can someone steal my purchased e-books?

Anyone care to send a Nook my way :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My wife asked ..... And then the fight started

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the T bone steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" 

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...


"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
-- Maya Angelou, Poet 

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Moments When You Are Allowed to Say Oh sh..!!!

Rainy Lagos Morning

When it rains in Lagos, the streets get filled with water. What makes the journey even longer is because the drivers cant seem the deep potholes, so everyone follows the driver in front.

Pictures above are taken from my office, on the5th floor. Videos below are of the ride to work in the flooded streets.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A Brief Tour of Lagos

It was Sunday. A day of sleeping and resting, so even the hotel staff were surprised when we ordered breakfast at 6.30 am. We would be picked up at 10 after 7 to attend the 7.30 am mass. Plan for the day was a short tour of Lagos and then off to Bombay Palace to test out their famous Sunday buffet.


First off, some of the interestingly dressed people after church.


Lagos church

Lagos church

Lagos church

Funky little boy in Lagos church

Excited little girl at Lagos church


Someone parked the bus in the wrong floor.



The Lagos race course.

DSC05689 Lagos Race Course


Welcome to the Lagos General Hospital. It occupies quite a large compound and where it end stands the Shell building. Shell is not on Victoria Island, but on the mainland where rentals are much cheaper.

Lagos General HospitalWhen the lagos GH ends, the Shell building startsShell building in Lagos  


A nice mosque in the middle of Lagos town.

 Mosque in downtown Lagos

 Mosque in downtown Lagos

 Mosque in downtown Lagos

Mosque in downtown Lagos


The mosque is locate in the heart of the market. Reminds me of the Masjid Jamek mosque in the heart of KL. Pictures below are of the street vendors along the streets close to where the mosque is. This is the only time, early Sunday morning, when car can pass through. From Monday to Saturday, this place is filled to the brim with people.

Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market

Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market Lagos market DSC05742 DSC05743


This is a famous monument in Lagos but I don't know its name or what it means (yet).

Famous monument in LagosFamous monument in Lagos 


We passed the port, saw some rusted, old ships, pipe laying barges and even a luxury yacht hotel.

Old, rusted ship Luxury Cruise Hotel Lagos port Lagos port Rusted ship at Lagos port


The Lagos Cultural Arts Center.

Lagos Cultural Arts Center


Typical shop lots in Lagos town. Reminds me of the older part of Penang and KL.

Typical shop lots in Lagos. Typical shop lots in Lagos. Typical shop lots in Lagos. Typical shop lots in Lagos. Typical shop lots in Lagos.


Football on a cool Sunday morning. Did you know that Lagos and Liverpool are on the same time zone? Yup, we’re both on GMT+0100, so we get to watch the matches at 4 pm in the afternoon while KL watches it at 11 pm!

Football in Lagos on a cool Sunday morning


Pictures below are of the trucks at the port. Most of the trucks are second hand MACK trucks from the US. Most vehicles in Lagos are second hand vehicles imported from the US or Europe.

Compressed truck anyone?  DSC05790 DSC05792 DSC05798 Second hand MACK trucks for saleDSC05800


Crude oil storage tanks at the port.

Crude Oil storage tanks   

Crude Oil storage tanks


The international airport.

Lagos International Airport Lagos International Airport Lagos International Airport Lagos International Airport


Air force jumbo planes parked at Lagos International airport.

Air force jumbo planes parked at Lagos International airport Air force jumbo planes parked at Lagos International airport


How’s this for electrical wiring?

Electrical wiring


7-UP anyone?

The 7-UP Company in Lagos


Chinatown – red fortress wall. Couldn't get a decent picture.

Chinatown in Lagos


This is why engineers build redundancy into systems!

(Hint: Missing tire)



More pictures of another Lagos market, with a name that rhymes with Shoe. Apparently it was one of the biggest markets in Lagos until it was forced to undergo some major renovation recently.

Market in Lagos     Market in Lagos   Market in Lagos    DSC05857 Market in Lagos Market in Lagos Market in Lagos Market in Lagos


DSTV – the Malaysian equivalent of Astro. And just like Astro, there’s no reception when it rains. But unlike Astro, there’s close to 100 channels for you to choose from. And you can watch all the football games live on different

 DSTV - Nigerian equivalent of Astro.


A family dressed in traditional clothes after a Sunday morning mass.

Happy family in traditional outfit in lagos, going home after Sunday mass


While another family on four hops onto a motorcycle and heads home.

Happy family in traditional outfit in lagos, going home after Sunday mass


Lagos National Stadium, and its entrance


Market in Lagos


The army camp at the outskirts (I think) of Lagos. Lagos is so huge. With a population of close to 15 million people, it dwarfs Kuala Lumpur for sure.



Caught this guy with a small sewing machine on this head. I don't know if he’s selling it or he’s a tailor for hire.

tailor for hire?


Satellite dishes. A very common sight in Lagos. The Internet is highly dependent on such massive devices or else you end up with hopeless Internet access like what I have at the Somerset Hotel at Osborne.

 Satelite dish


We ended up the day with lunch at the famous Bombay Palace. Apparently they have a good buffet from 12 – 5 pm every Sunday. Everyone talks about it. So we decided to try it.


With just around 10 dishes for N2200 per person or RM52.8 (drinks not included), it just isn't as good as the buffet back home. But comparatively to the high prices of food in Lagos, this is a steal. No wonder people come here every Sunday.

Bombay Palace Restaurent in Lagos  Bombay Palace Restaurent in Lagos Bombay Palace Restaurent in Lagos


Lastly, meet Favour (left) and Kelvin, the two wonderful young gentlemen who man the bar at the hotel we’re staying and refuse to provide free alcohol to us!

Favour and Kelvin


I have more pictures but they don't tell a story. I don't know if all the above pictures painted a proper picture of Lagos – its difficult to compose a picture in a moving car.


Next week we plan to buy some cloth from one of the markets. Maybe then I should be able to get some good pictures.