Friday, June 27, 2008

Comments on Postings

I have had to restrict the comments on my blog to only registered Bloggers and OpenID users because of threatening emails that I have been receiving from people who are blaming me for comments made by others on this blog entry : Microsoft Founders

I am the author of this blog and only I post to it. And you're welcome to comment on my postings if their interesting or just read them as they are. I appreciate all my readers and my loyal subscribers. Thank you so much for allocating time to read my postings.

But please bear with me for restricting comments to only registered users. I think its better for everyone involved.

Joke: Baked Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.  When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

 

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.  Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.  On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

 

 

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'

 

 

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.  He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

 

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It   was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.  I took my napkin from my lap     and fanned the air around me vigorously.

 

 

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.  The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

 

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

 

The pleasure was indescribable.  When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom,  I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on  my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased  with myself.

 

 

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,  apologizing for taking so long.  He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

 

 

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'

 

 

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Who's Better - Christiano Ronaldo or the Camera Man?

video

 

So, who’s better at it? I think the camera man wins hands down.

But Ronaldo earns the big bucks.

 

 

Have You Seen A Baby Panda Sneeze?

video
A baby panda sneezing at a zoo in China.
Darn, sounds just like me!


Door Signs


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In a Podiatrists office :

'Time wounds all heels.'

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On a Septic Tank Truck :

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door :

'To expedite your visit please back in.'
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On a Plumber's truck :
'We repair what your husband fixed.'

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On another Plumber's truck :
'Don't sleep with a drip.  Call your plumber..'

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On a Church's Billboard :
'Seven days without God / Prayer makes one weak.'

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
'Invite us to your next blowout.'

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At a Towing company :
'We don't charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows.'

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On an Electrician's truck :
'Let us remove your shorts.'

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In a Non-smoking Area :
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

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On a Maternity Room door :
'Push. Push. Push.'

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At an Optometrist's Office  :
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

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On a Taxidermist's window :
'We really know our stuff.'

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On a Fence :
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'

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At a Car Dealership :
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'

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Outside a Muffler Shop :
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'

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In a Veterinarian's waiting room :
'Be back in 5 minutes. Still Stay!'

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At the Electric Company :
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.' ( de-lighted )  

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In a Restaurant window :
'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.'

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home  :
'Drive carefully.  We'll wait.'

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At a Propane Filling Station :
'Thank heaven for little grills.'

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And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop :


'Best place in town to take a leak.'

 

 

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Joke: God, Money and Taxes

A little boy wanted Rs.500 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened. Finally he decided to write a letter to GOD requesting the Rs.500 .

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God, India", they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of India as a joke.

The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.200. The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.200, and decided to write a thanking reply note to God, which read:

 "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Ministry in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.300 as tax!"

Emma - World's Largest Container Ship

 

 

World's Largest Cargo Ship Get a load of this ship! 15,000 containers and a 207’ beam! And look at the crew size (13) for a ship longer than US aircraft carriers, which have complements of 5,000 men and officers.  Think it's big enough? Notice that 207' beam means it was NOT designed for the Panama or Suez Canal. It is strictly transpacific. Check out the 'cruise speed'.  31 mph means the goods arrive four days before the typical container ship traveling at 18 to 20 mph on a China-to-California run. So this behemoth is hugely competitive when carrying perishable goods. This ship was built in three, perhaps as many as five sections. The sections floated together and then welded. It is named Emma Maersk. The command bridge is higher than a ten story building and has eleven rigs that can operate simultaneously. 

 

Additional  info: 

Country  of origin - Denmark 

Length  - 1,302 ft 

Width  - 207 ft 

Net  cargo - 123,200 tons 

Engine  - 14 in-line cylinders diesel engine (110,000  BHP)

Cruise  Speed -  31  mi/h

Cargo  capacity - 15,000 TEU (1 TEU = 20 ft3 container) 

Crew  - 13  people

First  Trip - Sept. 08, 2006

Construction  cost - US $145,000,000+ 

 

The silicone paint applied to the ship's bottom reduces water resistance and saves 317,000 gallons of diesel per year 

 

 

Monday, June 23, 2008

Microsoft Then and Now


A continuation from my earlier post about Microsoft

That photo of 11 weirdos in '70s clothes you may have seen on the Internet really is the original Microsoft team, snapped Dec. 7, 1978, on the eve of the company's move from Albuquerque, N.M., to Seattle. Almost 30 years later, a few weeks before Bill Gates's departure from Microsoft, the group (looking better) reconvened.

Bob Greenberg (center of old photo, in red sweater), then a programmer and now a tech and financial consultant, had won a photo portrait in a contest and used it to commemorate the soon-to-be disrupted group. The picture was shot in a shopping mall.

"The photo really does capture a moment of time and the spirit we had in the office," says cofounder Paul Allen (bottom right), now a media and sports mogul. Signing up for a little company in the then unknown field of PC software was a crazy leap of faith. "I could have had an office and a title from a respectable company—but I thought this would take off," says programmer Gordon Letwin (second row, right). He stuck around Microsoft until taking leave in 1993. Bob O'Rear (second row left, above Gates), the most experienced of the group (he'd been a NASA engineer, now he's a cattle rancher), concurs—sort of. "My concept of success for us was that someday we'd have 40 people or so."

Present for the reunion was office manager Miriam Lubow (center of new picture), who missed the original sitting due to a snowstorm. (When Lubow, now retired, first met Gates, she couldn't believe that disheveled kid was the president.) Absent for the reshoot was Bob Wallace (top center), who died in 2002; after leaving Microsoft in 1983, he pioneered the idea of shareware.

Though the meeting could have been tense—some in the group have many millions of dollars, others … not so much—it was joyous from the first. Steve Wood (top left), whose wife, Marla (third from left, bottom), was also an employee (he is now chairman of a telecom company; she does volunteer work), says that the photo isn't their legacy: "Our legacy is what we did."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Joke: How to get the Feds to Dig Your Garden for Free

An old Greek man lived alone in Marrickville. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was hard work for his advanced years and the ground was very hard. His only son, Spiro, who used to help him, was in prison.   The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

 

Dear Spiro,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Papa


 

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

 

Dear Papa,

Don't dig up the garden. That's where I buried the bodies.

Love Spiro


 

At 4 A.M. the next morning, Federal agents and NSW Police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

 

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Spiro

Friday, June 13, 2008

A Lesson for Every Salaried Employee


*click on the image for a better view

A Lesson for Every Salaried Employee (the art of corporate management)