Wednesday, August 29, 2007
A retired gentleman went to Centrelink Office to apply for the Age Pension.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later." he said.
The woman says "Unbutton your shirt."So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Age Pension application.
When he returned home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Centrelink office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got the Disability Pension, too."
Monday, August 27, 2007
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free".
"They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free".
She handed me my two free sandwiches, and I walked out the door.
They walk among us and they vote.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"
They walk among us and they vote.
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They walk among us and they vote.
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They walk among us and they vote.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
They walk among us and they vote.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now ," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
They walk among us and they vote.
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They walk among us and they vote.
AND THEY REPRODUCE
I am not a movie critic, nor do I watch a lot of movies. The only reason why I watched Evan Almighty was because of my wife. She insisted that I leave the Internet for a couple of hours and head over to the big screen.
The fact that Morgan Freeman was acting made me think it would be a good movie. Was it? It was but I was disappointed that the story line wasn't any deeper.
Would I encourage you to watch it? Not if you have a better film to watch.
What did I take away from the film? One very important concept. When you ask God for something, he doesn't give it to you. Instead, he gives you the opportunity to go and get what you want. If you ask God for a happy marriage, God gives you the opportunities to make the marriage happy. If you ask God for more money, God gives you opportunities to get the money, like small projects from friends and so forth.
God gives, but He gives subtly. We're so blinded by the rat race that we don't see it.
Have you been in the situation where you have some extra cash at the end of the month and then suddenly, the car breaks down or the washing machine dies? What will you think? Will you think, "Why, oh, why must God curse with this especially when I have a little money to spend on my family?". Wouldn't it be better to thank God that the car and washing machine had to break down when you have some money to spare. Think of what would have happened if God allowed the washing machine and car to break down when you had no money - how would you get to work? Wouldn't that cost you more money taking the bus or cab to work? How will your wife wash the clothes? Laundry would be expensive.
When something happens, always ask yourself, "What is God trying to teach me now?" God is using these problems to give us the opportunity to strecth ourselves even further. We only improve our lives when we stretch and move ourselves from our comfort zone.
And be grateful you can read this little not that I had written. That means you have internet access, and a computer to read it from, and eyes to take in the words and hopefully the meaning, and many things more. There's a lot of people who are not as blessed as you and me. Just look at the Middle East, India, China - just imagine the hungry, abandoned women, children and men who will never know the comforts that we have.
One last lesson from God in the film: All goodness starts with ARK, which was what Evan was asked to build.
A = Act
R = Random
K = Kindness
All goodness in the world starts with ARK, one Act of Random Kindness.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The Divine Mercy Church in Shah Alam, Selangor, Malaysia took 25 years to be built.
Opposition from the Muslim community delayed the approval for this church for so long until finally the church was moved from its planned location at a residential area to an industrial park.
This chuch is in the midst of factories, right in the heart of an industrial estate.
But God works in mysterious ways. I wonder what God has in plan with this church?
Although I have to say, that this church is maginificent. It's big, clean, has nice tile floors, air-conditioned (one of the few churches with air-conditioners), nice projectors, good sound system, nice grotto - like the one's shown in the pictures.
If you're ever in Malaysia, come and visit this chruch. This church reminds me that God's time isnt equal to our time. What was 25 years for us is only a mere second in his time.
Malaysia turns 50 this year on August 31, 2007.
You can see the Malaysian flags being displayed on buildings, road sides and on vehicles.
These pictures were taken at Jalan Tun Razak - Ampang junction, the worst road to be during office hours.
And just look at the traffic on the other side. Everyone's slowing down to just watch. Some try to take down the car's registration number as it tends to come up in the Lotto lucky draws in the daily newspapers.
When will Malaysian's ever learn how to drive with some courtesy and more common sense?
Friday, August 24, 2007
This picture tells a wonderful story. Depending on your background, everyone has a different take on this picture.
I see a heavy metal structure, carrying tons of weight and is supported by the buoyancy of water. Simple amazing. How can water support such a heavy structure, something so heavy that it takes giant cranes to lift it from the dry dock to the sea.
Water and air, easily managed in small quantities, is very dangerous in large quantities. I think it's similar to what the Chinese use to say, the Ying and Yang, or something like that.
Mother Nature is very powerful, yet subtle. It's unfortunate that we cannot work in tandem with Mother Nature and not violate her, as we often do.
This is where I would like to work, if it had Internet access. I've been living in Kuala Lumpur all my life, except for 4 wonderful years in Winnipeg, Manitoba where I got my undergraduate degree.
Life in Kuala Lumpur is hectic. Everything and everyone is rushing. Whereas life in Winnipeg was slow. People took time to savour life. This is what I missed ever since I returned home.
Rushing through life is slowly draining the life out of me. If only I could leave everything behind and move away...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"
Now here are the rules from the male point of view.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...r eally.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
But Gmail doesn't have allow you to sort by attachments. Luckily, thanks to the World Wide Web, I found that you could list all attachments via the command has:attachment in the Search box in your Gmail.
This will list all attachments, in-coming and out-going.
But since I had over 2000 emails with attachments and I wanted to keep some of them, going through each mail would be a tedious process.
Then I came across this command : has:attachment from:me label:sent
This command will list all emails with attachment sent by you which is in your Sent box. Now this is something that I can get rid off immediately. So, I just selected all of them and thrashed then. A quick peek at my quota and its still at 95%. I went into Trash and emptied it and voila, I am now down to 56%.
Thanks to the World Wide Web and the power of sharing, I just saved myself some cash. But dont get me wrong, spending a mere $20 for 6GB worth of space is worth every single cent and I would if I need it.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and reversed back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown. He jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid who threw the brick and pushed him against a parked car shouting. "What was that all about? Just what the heck are you doing?"
Building a head of steam he went on. "That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money!!"
"Please, mister, please. I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do!!" pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see` that everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and May God bless you," the grateful child said to him. The man then watched the little boy push his brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long walk back to his Jaguar ....a long, slow walk. He never did repair the side door. He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention.
God whispers in your soul and speaks to your heart. Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, He has to throw a "brick" at you. It's your choice: Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick...
I've actually had the priviledge of meeting the founder of Jobstreet.com, Mr. Mark Chang. For someone who's a multimillionaire by virtue of taking his company to IPO, he's awfully humble and simple.
My wife worked for Jobstreet.com in Penang for 7 years before marrying me and moving to Kuala Lumpur. Since then she has worked for 3 companies and KL and while they may be bigger than Jobstreet.com in terms of size and capital, to her, they dont have a soul.
Jobstreet.com has a soul. A company's soul is reflected in how much it cares for its employees. Jobstreet.com paid for my wife's education - something Malaysian companies despise doing since they fear that this will provide leverage for the staff to leave. Typical Malaysian, in fact Asian mentality, of not wanting others to climb higher.
Asians, by nature, are selfish and greedy. And it reflects in how Asian companies are managed. My ex-company was similar. Although its a branch of a US company, but when managed by an Asian, it displays typical Asian habits. Even after being a loyal servant to the company for 6 years, I am still asked for a ROI (Return on Investment) when I asked to be sent for training or conferences, even though these conferences were held by the parent company in US for all its technical staff. My colleagues in Australia didnt have to do this. They were sent for the training by virtue of being with the company. But in my case, I had to justify to my ASEAN boss that by going for the training, I am able to bring in more revenue.
So, for Jobstreet.com to be able to pay for the staff's education, is simply remarkable. For Mark Chang and his wife to grace my wedding is also an honour, not something all bosses will do, especially not the number 1 boss of the company. My wife wasn't the highest ranked person in the company but he treated her as if she was.
After Jobstreet.com, we see Datuk Tony Fernandez doing something similar with Air Asia. Finally, there's another company that's showing others that their staff is equally as important, it not more.
Asians are slowly evolving. I may not live long enough to see us change into a more giving society but maybe my children will benefit from it.
To Jobstreet.com, thank you for giving my wife a chance in her work and life. To Mark Chang, thank you. To Dato Tony Fernandez, keep up the good work. We need people like you to show others how business is really done in Malaysia - without favoritism, with good business principles and without constant government bailouts.
Friday, August 10, 2007
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids. Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??? "
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher. "
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Does it look intimidating?
What if I told you that you could make money from the Internet within 7 days! Dont believe it? Then you've got nothing to lose, have you, when you sign up for the 7-Day Internet Business Building Course.
Give it a try. I am very sure you will see that building your own passive income stream using the Internet is entirely possible. I have done it and so can you.
In 7-days, you'll be amazed.
No strings attached, just some ideas to share around.
7-Day Internet Business Building Course
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
On July 5, Kenneth Gomez sent you an invitation to become part of Kenneth Gomez's professional network at LinkedIn.
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Monday, August 06, 2007
But did you know that, TUNKU Abdul Rahman first announced the date of Malaya's Independence at Padang Pahlawan in Bandar Hilir, Malacca, on Feb 20, 1956 - one year before!
Read about this and more at 48 Interesting Facts About Malaysia