Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Sweaty Malaysia

As the plan flew over Johor Baru from Singapore, I was delighted to see the brightly lit city of Johor and the lights of the smaller towns surrounding it. Makes me think this is a beautiful country indeed.

Couldn't see much of Kuala Lumpur as we landed because of the cloud cover but its a bristling city nevertheless.

It's good to be home.

Time for some Spicy, Malaysian Food.

It's time to make my bi-annual pilgrimage home to visit the loved and not so loved ones.
I just hope I can fit into the plan seat.

100 Year Wave

In subsea pipeline analysis, engineers design pipeline and subsea and topside structures to withstand extreme wave conditions the ocean throws at it.

For short durations, engineers analyse what is called a 10-year wave. For longer durations, we typically analyze 100 year wave and in cyclonic regions, there's the 10,000 year wave analysis.

This is a platform in the middle of the ocean being hit, last week, with a 100-year wave. Remember that this platform is perched around 10 meters from the ocean surface. And if you look closely, you can see several cabins below the water line.

Unlike the water we use at home, in the ocean, when large groups of water move, they have Inertia. And these inertia's are enough to destroy structures like the one seen in the picture if these structures aren't heavily reinforced.

Never take lightly the forces of Mother Nature.

This is how it feels like to be on the platform in the middle of the ocean when Mother Nature unleashes her fury.

 

And this is how a huge ocean liner gets rocked about and nearly tips over when confronted with these huge

waves.

  .

Why do People Still Swim in Australia if there's Shark Attacks?

 

I asked my colleagues on why Australians still swim deep in the ocean when their numerous reports on shark attacks.

Their reply - It wont bite me.

Australians think that the chances of them being bitten by a shark is the same as their chance of being killed in an airplane.

This is a country that has acoustic chark bracelets for swimmers to ward off sharks. But because of their high price, not many people bother to wear one. So most swimmers swim with no defense at all against these giant predators.

I was also told of the following:

- Dont be the first to go into the water.
- Keep away from the water during sunrise and sunset - this is when the chances of you resembling a seal entering into the water is the highest.
- Shark looks for groups of seal swimming together. So never swim with a school of seals of fish, you risk being mistake for one of them

There ladies and gentlement, tips to help avoid being eaten by sharks in Australia.

 

 

How's This for Stupidity from PayPal?

Does PayPal hire stupid people in their company or do they have a legitimate defense?

 

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-57337945-71/how-paypal-beat-communists-and-civil-servants-at-logic/

 

 

The Earth Moves...

I came across this website when I was searching for GPS coordinates. I didnt realise that the Earth's crust movement was so significant.

Paddy's Birthday

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

 

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

 

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy stepped out of the boatand nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

 

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.

 

'Grandma,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me father, his father, and his father before him?"

 

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's troubled brown eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya f@@kin idiot!"

 

 

Bon Voyage Ruth

It's about time you followed your destiny and be appreciated by your peers.

You've always been one of the brightest and Malaysia loses one more fine engineer. It's their loss they didnt appreciate you.

Good luck my dear. May the Force be with you.

Screw Him, Give Him a Dollar

After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!

When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All of this was just too wonderful for words", he said; "But what's the dollar for"?

"Well", she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

Humour

Basic, all-purpose diet for long life and good health:
If it tastes good, spit it out.

An Oil Rig off Cottesloe Beach?

Recently I was sent for a course in subsea technology at UWA and as part of our project, we were supposed to design a subsea production system for the abandoned Nexus oilfield off the coast of Rottnest Island.

In Western Australia, the environmentalist and the public has a very strong say in offshore drilling operations. While the public seems ignorant to the fact that all oil and gas comes from offshore, they insist on un-interruptable supply of oil and gas anyway.

So to satisfy the people and the government and all the grumpy people out there, my team opted for a subsea pipeline from the field to Freemantle and off to the Kwinana Refinary. Other teams in the project opted for the FPSO route, afraid of the public backlash and scrutiny if they brought in a pipeline to shore.

All these while we were told that the general public in Perth despises seeing an oil rig on the horizon because they don't want their view of the ocean spoilt but lo and behold, a rig's out there.

Their coming......  as whispered by Kevin Mullen.

P.S. Shaky video due to the strong winds trying to snatch my tiny Sony camera from my hands.

P.S. If you're still reading this, then check out the same picture of the rig, taken with a 400mm zoom lense, right from Cottesloe Beach.

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?hl=en&gbv=2&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=7141l13031l0l14797l13l11l0l0l0l0l1594l1594l8-1l1l0&q=cache:ahEyntEsY3MJ:http://www.ausphotography.net.au/forum/showthread.php?95188-Oil-Rig-Stena-Clyde+%22stena+clyde%22&ct=clnk

I really need a new camera!

Senior Moments

At 60 years of age, Joey married Suzie, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Suzie decides that after their wedding she and Joey should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Susie prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door.
Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Joey, her 60 year old groom, ready for action..

They unite as one.
All goes well, Joey takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Suzie hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Joey.
Again he is ready for more 'action.'
Somewhat surprised, Susie consents for more coupling..
When the newlyweds are done, Joey kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it...... Joey is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'
And, once again they enjoy each other.
But as Joey gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Joey.'

Joey, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Suzie and says,
'You mean I was here already?'

The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages.

Humour

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

George Carlin's Reflections on Life

1. Never raise your hands to you kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
 
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
 
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
 
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
 
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
 
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
 
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
 
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but going faster is a maniac?
 
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is!
 
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
 
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
 
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
 
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
 
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"
 
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

 

Humour

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

Solution to America's Problem that Obama Can Use

This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future she's worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big government state that she's being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion.
This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX Nov 18, 2010 

Put me in charge . . .

Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?
You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good.."

Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND While you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov't welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

A Tale of Two Brains

The simple difference between the male and female brain.

Humour

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Husband Takes Pregnancy Pain from Wife...

A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father."

So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more."

So the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "Why don't you just put it all on me cause I'm not feeling a thing", but the doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared."

The husband replied "I am ready "so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn't feel a thing so they went home happy with a pain-free labor. When they got home the couple was suprized to see the mailman dead on the front porch!

Misspelt Name

One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

7 Billion People

7 Billion

In 16 hours time, the 7th billion person will be born in this planet.

We reached 6 billion people on July 22, 1999. And now, 12 years later, we're adding the 1 billionth person since then.

The 8th billion person is expected to be born in the year 2027 and the 9th billion in 2046.

We're adding 75 million people a year or 1.12% growth.

Heat map below shows where the most populous growth of people are.

Check out the live numbers as it happens at World Population Meter.

Fateful Dreams

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!"

She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

 

 

Joke: God and Me Are Tight

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.

The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?''

And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.''

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?''

And she says, ''That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!''

How to Know if an Old Person Should be put in a Home?

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

 

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

 

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

 

"No" he said. "A normal person! would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

 

Dont Mess with Old Dogs...

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat… Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says… “Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”


Moral of this story…
Don’t mess with the old dogs…
Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Humour

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath

Best ASS

The Priest entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race and it won again. The local paper read: PRIEST’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Priest not to enter the donkey in another race.. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Priest to get rid of the donkey. The Priest decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.


——————————————————–

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

The Camera of the Future.

Just like how the iPhone revolutionised the mobile phone industry, the camera industry will start seeing some amazing changes soon. Watch this.

Concept Camera: The WVIL from Artefact on Vimeo.

A Modest Jew.

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion after a dinner.

Catholic: "I have a large fortune....I am going to buy Citibank!"

Protestant:"I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!"

Muslim: "I am a fabulously rich prince.... I intend to purchase Microsoft!"

They then all wait for the Jew to speak....

The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says:

"I'm not selling!!!..."

 

 

Another New 1000+M Skyscraper In Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

 

 

Adrian Smith + Gordon Gill Architecture designed The Kingdom Tower, to be the world's tallest building about 1000+m, in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, near the Red Sea.

Supertall building experts Adrian Smith + Gordon Gill are to complete the design for a stunning new tower to anchor the proposed $20bn Kingdom City masterplanning project in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The firm carefully quashed internet rumours that they were working on a 'mile-high' tower, yet did not deny involvement in the Kingdom Tower scheme. This morning His Royal Highness Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Bin Abdulaziz Alsaud, nephew of Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah and chairman of Kingdom Holding Company officially announced AS+GG as design architects of the project to awaiting media.

Reassuringly elegant for a tower of such epic proportions the completed Kingdom Tower will soar at over 1000m (at least 173m taller than the Burj Khalifa which currently holds the title of the world's tallest building) with a total construction area of 530,000 sq m the structure is being touted as a new marker of Jeddah's importance as a gateway to the city of Mecca and has been directly inspired by the folded fronds of a young desert plant. Adrian Smith details: With its slender, subtly asymmetrical massing, the tower evokes a bundle of leaves shooting up from the ground a burst of new life that heralds more growth all around it.

Smith's partner Gordon Gill continues: The way the fronds sprout upward from the ground as a single form, then start separating from each other at the top, is an analogy of the new growth fused with technology. The graceful needle is also designed to symbolise the city of Jeddah as an economic power and cultural leader, with a focus on the 'strength and creative vision of its people'.

Aside from the initial 'wow-factor' of the building's statistics, AS+GG have been applauded for their sensitive design aesthetic. Talal Al Maiman, Executive Director, Development and Domestic Investments, a Board member of Kingdom Holding Company and a board member of JEC commented: Prince Alwaleed, Mr. Bakhsh, Mr. Sharbatly and I were impressed by the boldness and simplicity of the AS+GG design. Kingdom Tower's height is remarkable, obviously, but the building's iconic status will not depend solely on that aspect. Its form is brilliantly sculpted, making it quite simply one of the most beautiful buildings in the world of any height.

Encased in the new spire's glimmering façade will be a Four Seasons hotel, Four Seasons serviced apartments, Class A office Space, luxury condominiums and the world's highest observatory. 59 elevators using the world's most high-tech systems will be installed to provide ease of access, with 54 single-deck and 5 double-deck systems. The residential aspect has influenced the three-petal footprint of the design with tapering wings introducing an aerodynamic shape to reduce structural loading due to wind vortex shedding. All three sides of the Kingdom Tower sport a series of notches which form specifically engineered areas of shadow designed to fall on the outdoor terraces facing the city and Red Sea.

AS+GG is leading an interdisciplinary design team that also includes building services engineering consultants Environmental Systems Design, Inc. (ESD) and structural engineering consultants Thornton Tomasetti. The developer of Kingdom City, Jeddah Economic Company (JEC), selected the AS+GG scheme after a lengthy competition process in which SOM, Pickard Chilton, Kohn Pedersen Fox, Pelli Clarke Pelli and Foster + Partners also participated.

 

Humour

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Whale Visits ROV Operator During Subsea Work

Humour

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
- Alex Levine

Humour

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

The Difference in Friendship Between Men and Women

Friendship Between Women

 

A women didnt come home one night.

The next day, she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.

The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

 

Friendship Between Men

 

A man didnt come home one night.

The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at his friend's place.

The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.

Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there!

 

 

Top 10 funniest jokes (allegedly) from this year's Edinburgh Festival

1. Nick Helm – “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”

2. Tim Vine – “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”

3. Hannibal Buress – “People say ‘I'm taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.”

4. Tim Key – “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought ... once you've hired the car ...”

5. Matt Kirshen – “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess.”

6. Sarah Millican – “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”

7. Alan Sharp – “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”

8. Mark Watson – “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.”

9. Andrew Lawrence – “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.”

10. DeAnne Smith – “My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin.”

Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø    Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

Ø    We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

Ø    War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø    Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. Apparently my desk is a work station.

Ø   I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

Ø    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip

Ø    Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø    You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

August 31 
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.

September 13 
Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds !!

September 30 
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise !

October 10 
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit..
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15 
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20
- Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 
- This wind is a bastard..
It feels like a giant blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from Perth .....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30
- The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4
Finally got the air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.
Stupid repairman.

November 8 
- If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to throttle him.
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my  clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat.
This place is the end of the Earth.

November 9 
- Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my backside was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my bum.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried bum and baked cat.


November 10 
-- The Weather report might as well be a recording..
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny, Hot and sunny.
It never changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

November 15
- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the pool.
The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20 
- Welcome to HELL!
It got to 45 degrees today.
Now the air conditioner gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the car up his rear end.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
Damn Karratha!
What kind of sick, demented idiot would want to live here!

December 1 
- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are kidding me!

Testing a Cruise Missile

This is how you test a cruise missile!

Humour

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Preacher's Son

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Never Ending Story

This video clip will definitely show my age but this is one of my favourites...

Customer Complaints!

A man carrying 6 babies got on a train. 


A lady sitting next to him asked, "Are these your Babies?"


"No, I'm a condom salesman & these are my customer complaints!"

A Health Message

 

 

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

 

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

 

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

 

4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ...yet lives for 450 years.

 

 

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!

 

 

Was Einstein Wrong? We can travel faster than Light!

Can we travel faster than light?

 

NO says Einstein. 

 

YES says Cern.

 

Read it here.

How I learned to mind my own business

This is dedicated to all those who slow down to watch an accident on the road. I hope this happens to you too!

 

 

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,

And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'

 

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.....

 

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!

 

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

 

 

 

Making Money the 'Old Lady' Way

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.


After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, “$165,000?. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, “What kind of bets?”

The elderly woman replied, “Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.”

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, “Would you like to take my bet?”

“Certainly”, replied the president. “I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.”

“Done”, the elderly woman answered. “But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 o’clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.”

“No problem”, said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next mornin g at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. “Of course”, said the president. “Given the amount of money involved , you should be 100% sure.”

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, “Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!”

Humour

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

How Not to take a Penalty Kick

I guess this is one penalty taker that wont attempt this again.

How Hackers are Stealing Company Information via Email

 

 

How's this for stealing company information via email? All this happens when one part uses the wrong email address. A third party intercepts it, reads the information, then forwards it to the original recipient after modifying slightly the return address. The third arty, then receives the reply, reads it and then sends it along to the original sender. The loop repeats.

 

Moral of the story: always double confirm your recipients email address. Read the whole story here.

 

 

Joke: 5 Rules of Life

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a
Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you
when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems but then again, neither does milk

Humour

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

1 DEK 739 - Reckless WA Driver

This morning on the way to work I came across my first reckless WA driver.

1 DEK 739 went from the middle lane of a 5-lane highway to the left most lane at one go, nearly taking the front of my car off in the process.

Understandably he/she was driving a huge SUV, but even then, dont they teach Western Australians to look carefully before making a turn!

 For a lack of a better word, I dont think the driver of 1 DEK 739 is one of the brightest people in WA.

For Sale: Military Ship

If you ever wanted to buy a military ship, well this is your chance.

The Australian navy is having a fire sale, their biggest since World War II, and selling off about 24 navy ships and other military assets to fund the purchase of new equipment.

A short list of the items to be sold:

• up to 24 ships;
• up to 70 combat aircraft;
• up to 110 other aircraft;
• up to 120 helicopters;
• up to 600 armoured vehicles;
• up to 12,000 other vehicles; and
• a range of communications systems, weapons and explosive ordnance.

These items are not available over the counter. Buy them here.

Why You Shouldnt Buy a Virtual Cow? Closing Down of Online Game Sites.

I didnt realise that lost of people spend REAL money to buy VIRTUAL goods in online games. Duh!

 

But what happens when the game shuts down. What then happens to all the money you've spent?

 

Read the story here.

 

 

Yahoo Looking for New CEO. Anyone Interested?

 

 

Anyone interested in taking over the job as the permanent CEO of Yahoo? Yahoo just sacked Carol Bartz as their CEO, yet another figure in the search for past glory.

 

 

SUNNYVALE, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)-- Yahoo! Inc. (NASDAQ:YHOO - News), the premier digital media company, today announced a leadership reorganization under which the Board of Directors has appointed Timothy Morse interim Chief Executive Officer, effective immediately, replacing Carol Bartz, who has been removed by the Board from her role as Chief Executive Officer.

The Board has also named key senior Yahoo! executives to a newly formed Executive Leadership Council tasked with supporting Morse in managing the Company's day-to-day operations until a permanent chief executive is appointed, as well as supporting a comprehensive strategic review that the Board has initiated to position the Company for future growth.

Read more: http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-20102367-93/yahoos-press-release-on-bartz-firing/#ixzz1XEERakfd

Zig Ziglar Once Said...

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.

Other people and things can stop you temporarily. You’re the only one who can do it permanently.
You already have every characteristic necessary for success if you recognize, claim, develop and use them.

We all need a daily check up from the neck up to avoid ‘stinkin thinkin’ which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes.

It’s not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life; it is how you handle what happens to you.

When you choose to be pleasant and positive in the way you treat others, you have also chosen, in most cases, how you are going to be treated others.

The basic goal-reaching principle is to understand that you go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will be able to see farther.

Discipline yourself to do the things you need to do the things you need to do when you need to them, and the day will come when you will be able to do the things you want to do them!

You enhance your chances for success when you understand that your yearning power is more important than your earning power.

The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to his or her commitment to excellence, regardless of his or chosen field of endeavor.

Humour

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Classic Battleships!

The Nagato-class battleships (長門型戦艦 Nagato-gata senkan?) were two battleships (Nagato and Mutsu) of the Imperial Japanese Navy. The name Nagato (Japanese: 長門) comes from the Nagato province. They were the first battleships to be built entirely in Japan. They were the first battleships in the world to mount 16 inch (410 mm) guns and were considered as the Japanese navy equivalents of the British Navy’s 'Queen Elizabeth' class battleships. At the time of their completion in 1920-21, their armament, armor, and speed made them the most powerful capital ships in the world.

The ships were extensively modified in the 1920s and 1930s after the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 limited the battleship tonnage of the Japanese (and other) navies and allowed no new construction for several years. As a result of the treaty, they were the last battleships built by Japan until the Yamato class battleships of the late 1930s.

It was not until 1937 that the US Navy became aware that their actual speed was considerably higher than the 23 knots they had previously assumed, which resulted in a redesign of the 'South Dakota' battleship class to provide them with a higher speed.[1]

The ship in the photo isnt actually identified, although it is believed to be Mutsu. Both ships of the Nagato class were given massive reconstructions between 1934 and 1936, emerging as immensely powerful and impressive capital ships.This unusual and rare photo gives some idea of how extensive the rebuild actually was, because as you can see , the entire upperworks , superstructure and main battery was removed down to main deck level! the two ships had differing wartime careers, Nagato survived the war and met her fate in the Bikini A-bomb test in 1946, while Mutsu was destroyed by explosion in Hiroshima bay in1943, with the loss of over 1200 of her crew. The explosion was attributed to sabotage by a disaffected crewman who had been (so he claimed) wrongly charged with theft. That became academic as he was among the 1200 or so killed in the explosion which tore the ship in two.

10 Commandments for You and Me

1]  Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in  trouble, but it is a "steering wheel"  that directs the right path throughout.
 
 
2]  So, why is a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.
 
 
3]  Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.
 
 
4] All things in life are temporary.  If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.
 
 
5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!
 
 
6]  Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!
 
 
7]  When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.
 
 
8]  A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!" 
 
 
9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
 
 
10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE.
 

Well Done to Iran



Iran today connected its Bushrer nuclear power plant to its electrical grid, providing its people with much needed 60 mega watts of much needed energy.

Cheap energy is what propelled developed countries to the heights they are now and developing countries should also follow suit with their own nuclear power plants.

Safety is always an issue with nuclear but under proper conditions, a nuclear plant will do humanity much good with the electricity it provides.

Malaysia is also considering a nuclear plant. This will be a major boost to the local industries if energy can be sourced cheaply. While I have more faith in Malaysian engineers than most Malaysians do, I am afraid it will be after my time before a nuclear plant ever gets built in Malaysia.

Read the whole story at the Malaysian Star.

How Cheap is AirAsia in Emergencies?

Recently there was an emergency at home which required one of us to travel home on the very next day. As usual, I checked in first with Airasia and was about to confirm the booking (credit card number all keyed in) when my smarter half asked me to check the ticket price on Qantas and MAS. Knowing that these two, full fledged airlines couldnt match a budget airlines, I reluctantly checked the price.

Guess what?

To fly from Perth to KL, AisAsia is asking me around AUD790 while Qantas price was AUD900 (also to KL but via Singapore) while MAS was asking for AUD890 to Penang. Yes, an extra AUD100 when compared to AirAsia to go from Perth to Penang. Hmmm....

Then, this made me think about my Christmas trip back home. I checked AirAsia, MAS and Qantas. Air Asia was offering me (for two people, return) a price of AUD2500, MAS AUD3600 and Qantas AUD2870. Hmmm, for an extra AUD370, I get better service, food and a higher luggage allowance (23 kg's). Not bad at all. The only downside to flying with Qantas is changing planes at Changi whereby we fly SIA to Kuala Lumpur.

So when did Air Asia stop becoming a budget airline?

How to get a Free Health Scan at the Airport

 

 

 

Google Celebrates Malaysia's Independence Day!

 

 

Google celebrates Malaysia's Independence Day with a Doodle. 

Happy Independence Day Malaysia

Today, August 31, 2011, Malaysia celebrates the 54th anniversary of its independence from the British in 1957. And who else better to remind us of this wonderful day than our famous singing lawyer and probably Malaysia's best artist by far, the late Sudirman.

Humour

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Indian Stuntman Audition

First of all, most Indian movies have train scenes. Now I know where they find their dare devil stuntmen!

Life in the Australian Army

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad…for those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland.

 

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though,  but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water  and even a light to see what ya doing! 

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they come in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer. 

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Susan

Resume Bloopers

This one came courtesy of a good friend.

-- "I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success."

-- "I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer."

-- "Hobbies: enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians."

-- "2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people."

-- "Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail."

-- "Objective: Career on the Information Supper Highway."

-- "Experience: Stalking, shipping & receiving"

-- "I am great with the pubic."

-- "My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers."

-- "Revolved customer problems and inquiries."

-- "Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts."

-- "Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget."

-- "Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement."

-- "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

-- "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

-- "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

-- "It’s best for employers that I not work with people."

-- "I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness."

-- "Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve."

-- "I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose 'eject child' from the special menu.)"

-- "Reason for leaving: Terminated after saying, 'It would be a blessing to be fired.'"

Men Have More Loyal Friends Than Women!

I am not flying Gujerati Airlines

An Easy Way to Find Airfares on the Web

At first I wanted to call this post, How to Find the Best Airfares on the Web. But after going through the process, I realised that Hipmunk onl works with one online travel agency. So it might or might not give you the best price. So I changed the blog title to reflect this.

The worst part about going for a vacation is finding the cheapest or the most affordable airline. Well, dont fret anymore. Check out Hipmunk.

Just key in your destination and travel dates and let the Munk find the best flights for you. In my case, it was going home to Kuala Lumpur from Perth during Christmas.

You then pick on the flights that you want for the going and return trip and then Hipmunk redirects your purchase to Orbitz for payment. So I guess this only works for Orbitz prices. Other airlines might be cheaper.

How Peanut Butter is Made

 

 

 

Humour

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

How to Easily Get Viruses from Facebook

I didn't realise it was so easy to get viruses from Facebook but today I faced a possible virus infection from Facebook.

It all started out with a chat from someone who, although I know, I never chatted before on Facebook. So I replied to him but his reply sounded suspicious. And then a link appeared.

Normally I would caution you not to click on any links but since I knew this was a valid website, I clicked on the link.

It then took me to YouTube looking page with my name on it and when I scrolled down, a list of comments from some of my friends and some unknown people. I assumed these were names of people who were gullible enough to click on the Download it from Adobe link.

First note of a fake website - check the URL (see item in yellow). It points to a number. That is wrong. It should be www.youtube.com. Even if the URL looks similar to Youtube, always check carefully. I saw a similar website with the title www.youtubes.com  <-- note the extra S in youtubes. Be aware.

When you put your mouse over the Download it from Adobe, see the target URL below (follow Red arrow). The filename shows Flash-Player.exe but the source of the file is from a fake website.

Never download EXE files from unknown websites, even if they were sent to you by your friends.

For your information, the fake website resides in Hungary, see information below.


% APNIC found the following authoritative answer from: whois.ripe.net
% This is the RIPE Database query service.
% The objects are in RPSL format.
%
% The RIPE Database is subject to Terms and Conditions.
% See http://www.ripe.net/db/support/db-terms-conditions.pdf
% Note: this output has been filtered.
%       To receive output for a database update, use the "-B" flag.
% Information related to '188.36.0.0 - 188.36.119.255'
inetnum:        188.36.0.0 - 188.36.119.255
netname:        T-HOME-CATV
descr:          T-HOME broadband customers dynamic address pool
country:        hu
admin-c:        bat3-ripe
tech-c:         bat3-ripe
status:         assigned pa
remarks:        infra-aw
mnt-by:         tcom-mnt
source:         RIPE # Filtered
person:         Attila Balogh
address:        Magyar Telecom
address:        R&D Directorate
address:        Magyar Tudosok korutja 9.
address:        Budapest
address:        H-1117 Hungary
phone:          +36 1 481 7406
fax-no:         +36 1 481 7455
e-mail:         bat@netadmin.hu
nic-hdl:        BAT3-RIPE
mnt-by: tcom-mnt
source:         RIPE # Filtered
% Information related to '188.36.0.0/16as5483'
route:          188.36.0.0/16
descr:          Hungarian Telekom
origin:         as5483
mnt-by:         tcom-mnt
source:         ripe # Filtered




188.36.108.214 - Geo Information
IP Address 188.36.108.214
Host - BC246CD6.dsl.pool.telekom.hu
Location -  HU, Hungary
City - Budapest,
05 - Organization - T-HOME broadband customers dynamic address pool
ISP - Magyar Telekom plc.
AS Number - AS5483 Magyar Telekom plc.
Latitude - 47°50'00" North
Longitude - 19°08'33" East
Distance - 630.06 km (391.50 miles)

Who's Your Limo Driver?

Archbishop Murphy Pakiam (the Catholic Archbishop of Malaysia) was returning to Kuala Lumpur after a speaking engagement. When his plane arrived, there was a limousine there to transport him to his home in Bukit Nanas. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. "You know" he said, "I am almost 50 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?" The driver said, "No problem. Have a go at it."

Archbishop Pakiam gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie Traffic Police operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 140 in a 110 km/h zone. The police office pulled out and easily caught the limo and got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young officer walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law but I also know that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."

The supervisor asked, "Is it the Prime Minister?"

The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that."

The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the King?"

The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."

The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"

The young trooper said, I think it's Jesus because he's got Archbishop Murphy Pakiam for a chauffeur!!