Sunday, March 27, 2011

Life’s Big Conundrums

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

10- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left before we met.

11- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

12- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

13- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

14- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

16- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

17- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

19- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

20- Why do psychics have to ask your name?

21- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

22- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

23- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

24- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

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