by Cathi Adams
Lisa knew that something had changed with her husband. He was working longer hours, was tense and showed little interest in her or the children's activities. She never suspected her husband, who was a leader in their place of worship and community, would be unfaithful. She was blindsided when her husband came home one night and said he wanted a divorce because he had fallen in love with another woman. Lisa was lucky. She had her own job and money and was able to get a good attorney and win custody of their two children. The psychological effects of her husband's cheating proved to be the most difficult aspect of her divorce.
Any type of betrayal is devastating. Adultery cuts into the belief that for better or worse, your spouse will be faithful. The key to your healing is in how you view yourself after you have been betrayed.
* It's not about you. Your husband didn't cheat because you weren't pretty enough, thin enough or interesting enough. Your husband cheated because he broke his marriage vows—period.
* Revenge is not the answer. Don't have an affair to get back at your spouse. Don't smash out his car windows. These things sound good in songs and may make you feel better temporarily. But your actions could be used against you. You will feel better in the long run if you don't resort to cheap revenge tactics.
* Don't compare yourself to the "other woman." She may appear to be younger, smarter and richer, but you are you! No one can offer what you can to the world. If your spouse can't see all the wonderful things about you, it is his loss.
* If children are involved in the divorce, try to shield them from the details as much as possible. Particularly in small towns, affairs are fuel for gossip. Your husband is still your children's father and you don't want the children to hear the salacious stories of the father's infidelity. Even when you are hurting, try to put on a brave front for the children.
* Learn to trust again. You are not fully healed if you are carrying the effects of the betrayal into your other relationships. Adultery not only affects future romances, but relationships with co-workers and family. You may feel that if your husband could have betrayed you, anyone can. Don't fall into the trap of believing that all people are untrustworthy and will hurt you.
* Take care of yourself. You may be tempted to let everything go and spend your nights crying while watching revenge movies and eating cartons of ice cream. Sleep well and eat right. Give yourself a spa day. Spend time with your friends. Do something your spouse would not do with you. Don't left life stop because someone broke your trust.
Give yourself time to heal. Betrayal cuts deep. Don't hide your feelings. If you feel like you are having a hard time, don't be afraid to seek help. You can turn to a professional therapist or seek counseling from a spiritual advisor. The most important thing is to not let your husband's betrayal ruin your life. Life is too short and has too many wonderful things still to offer you.
(c) 2003-2008 Cathi Adams.
Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report -What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com http://www.DivorceCourtSecrets.com
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