Following the recent terrorist events the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level to 'Run and Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the military.
In response to the French raising their alert level other European countries have responded in kind.
The Italians have increased their alert level from 'Shouting Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing'.
Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.
The Germans have also increased their alert state from 'Distainful Arrogance' to 'Full Dress Uniform and Marching Songs'.
They have two higher levels. 'Invade a neighbour' and 'Lose'
Seeing the reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from 'Isolationism' to 'Find Somewhere Ripe for Regime Change'.
Their remaining higher alert states are: 'Take on the World' and 'Ask Britain for Help'.
Finally, here in GB we've gone from 'Pretend Nothing Is Happening' to 'Make Another Cup of Tea'.
Our higher levels are: 'Chin Up and Remain Cheerful' and 'Win'.
The British are still feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and security threats and have raised their concern level from 'A Bit Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon, though concern levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'.
Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance'.
Note to readers: The last time the British classified anything as 'A Bloody Nuisance' was during the great fire of London in 1666.