I NEED YOUR HELP

Dear Friend,

Let me start by introducing myself.I am Mr. SONG LI LE director of operations of the Hang Seng BankLtd.I will need you to assist me in executing this Business Project from Hong Kong to your country.Nineteen millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 70% for me,30% for you.My private email:
(mrsonglilee04@yahoo.com.hk).

Regards,
Song Lile.

Funny Hippo Song

Here's a charming animation for the season:

What Did Your Mother Tell You Abut Feeding Crocodiles?

Wild animals are by nature wild. Putting them in enclosed cages doesnt make them any nicer. Anyway, I feel sorry for the vet who went into the cage to assist the sick crocodile.

Joke: How to Marry a Rich Man?

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York .
My requirementis not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden, $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don?t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty


Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of beauty and money: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a trading position. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term, same goes with the marriage that you wanted.

It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be
sold or leased.
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget
looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in leasing services, do contact me.

Signed,

J.P. Morgan

The 9 Clock

Here's a clock made up of the digits 9 only.


Having 9's does not make it special....
You can design a clock having only 9 with 9/9 (=1), (9+9)/9(=2), (9+9+9)/9(=3) and so on...

But what makes it really amazing is the fact that it has only three 9's in each digit representation. ..

Taxi-Schumacher, A Fab World and Marion-Drugs

What if you're late for a flight and the taxi driver is taking his own sweet time in driving to the airport? Not all of us can drive fast. But if you're Michael Schumacher, then that's no excuse. Schumi took the wheel of the taxi he was in and zipped to the airport. And the taxi driver was the passenger :)

Read about it here: Taxi-Schumacher

Then we now come to the high tech world of microprocessor fabrication. It's a very expensive business, in a very clean building where people dress up like Playboy bunnies. Ok, maybe not Playboy bunnies, but the suits their in are called Bunny suits. Read about the fascinating high tech world of microprocessing technology.

And lastly, poor Marion Jones. While I don't know whether she knew she was being given performance enhancing drugs, its sad to read about her fall - her medals stripped, all records of her accomplishment erased. How many young athletes like her have been down the same road - you work hard all your life and just month before the big games, you're been told to take some medicine to help you cope with the stress. In that moment, all you have worked for goes down the drain because you will living in fear of being found out.

Joke: The Brothel...

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and
they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000.

Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man.
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really" she said.
"I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."


The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Why Google Is the Future & Why Microsoft is Worried?

Here's a picture of the future.

Everyone will have access to the Internet, anywhere, anytime. With such access, all our documents are created using Google Documents and not Microsoft Office. After all, this is what I am doing now on my own projects. All documents are stored on Google's server and I work on them when I'm at home and at work.

Of course, Microsoft will preach the piracy issue and how insecure Google's servers are. But this doesnt cover the fact that Windows is full of bugs and holes and hackers are able to extract information from your machines as they like. So, what's the difference? The only perception here is that you feel you're safe. Nothing else.

Microsoft ignored the Internet when the Net was born, and it has been racing to catch up ever since. Especially now when computers are becoming cheaper and cheaper. They just cant afford to see everyone using Google.

What Makes a World Class Engineer?

John Swanson.

Acknowledge by many as a fine engineer, he started ANSYS, now one of the world finest finite element software company, in 1970, hust 4 years after graduating from school. He has then gone on to have a distiguished career and life.

Read the whole story here, it explains how one man's desire to push the limit has helped made engineering a whole lot better.

John Swanson

Read This: How To Get Some Passive, Side Income, Monthly From Your Website

If you ever wondered how to get some passive income from your website, then check out this website : Secrets of Google AdSense Millionaires.

It's a website which shows you how you can use Google AdSense to make a decent monthly income from Google if you have a web site.

Let me know if this works for you as it did for me. I may not be a millionaire yet, but a hundred dollars from Google last month isnt bad :)

Secrets of Google AdSense Millionaires .

Joke: A Different Nighttime Prayer

We've been letting our six-year-old go to sleep listening to the radio, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a good idea.

Last night he said his prayers and wound up with:

"And God bless Mommy and Daddy and Sister. Amen-and FM!"

Quote : Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

-Mark Twain

Joke: "Be strong, honey. I love you, too!"

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young
couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the
girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then
gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He
probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter
how much he ravages you.

This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us.

Be strong, honey. I love you. "

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,
and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to
find it. "

"Be strong, honey. I love you, too!"

People In Your Life...

I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their e-mail.
Your response will be interesting.
Pay attention to what you read.
After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you.
Here goes:




People
come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually
to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may
seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our
need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.




Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because
your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Be lieve it, it is real. But only for a season.




LIFETIME
relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have
learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.



Thank
you for being a part of my life, whether you
were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

CNN's Talks to Tony Fernandes, CEO of Air Asia

Tony Fernandes, CEO of Air Asia


    * Story Highlights
    * Tony Fernandes, CEO of Air Asia, talks to CNN's Andrew Stevens
    * He turned Air Asia into the region's biggest budget airline
    * Fernandes is known for joining in with staff at all levels


(CNN) -- He's been described as the Richard Branson of Asian airlines. And he certainly knows a thing or two about building a brand.

In just five years, Tony Fernandes has built Air Asia from a bankrupt local carrier to the region's biggest budget airline -- 18 million passengers will fly the airline this year.

CNN's Andrew Stevens talked to Fernandes in Macau to find out why, at the age of 37, he would leave a comfortable job in the music industry to start a new business in the cut-throat, not to mention high risk, aviation industry.

Fernandes: Well there's a fine line between brilliance and stupidity, so the second point in a statement that Richard Branson's made is how to become a millionaire, start with a billion and start an airline. Now I was the other way around, I didn't have a billion. So I think that was one of the things, that I didn't have a lot to lose.

And I thought I was young enough. I got tired of the corporate life, I got tired of corporate politics. And I saw a business opportunity. Everyone likes to fly. And I think the key number that got me going was only six percent of Malaysians flew. I started looking at the prices of tickets, and to travel from one part of Malaysia to another it was almost someone's one month salary. So that drove me.

But I didn't want to be there, you know, at 55, and say I should've done it. Life is about risks, life is about not being afraid to fail.

Stevens: But at the time, airlines were going into bankruptcy, oil prices were going through the roof, people were too scared to fly globally, didn't you think, "oh my god I've made the worse decision of my life?"

Fernandes: No, I knew Malaysians very well. You put a price low enough, they'd risk their lives.

I think also when you start a business the most important thing is does the market want it. And I knew the market wanted it. If that's there, everything is surmountable because people power is strong.

Stevens: You like to pluck people from all different walks of life, from all different professions. How do you meld them all together? What's the philosophy underlying this?

Fernandes: Well I think, first is that everyone plays a part. There is no hierarchy. Everyone is valuable. I make all my senior management carry bags and things so they appreciate that.

Stevens: Do they?

Fernandes: Oh yes, they do. Some try to shirk their duties, but it's very hard when they see the CEO doing it -- they have to do it. The second is that everyone's got ability, it's how you bring the best out of them. And that's a very motivating thing. If you see someone who's carrying a bag suddenly flying a plane. That's a very powerful motivator. You can do all the theory and books and promise people the world but when they see it in reality, boy that's a powerful thing to see.

Stevens: When Air Asia started, you were known to go down, roll up your sleeves, and really get in with your staff at all levels, do you still have time to do that?

Fernandes: I have less time, but I still do it. I think it's fundamental to running my company, because, unless you get down to the floor and see what's happening, you won't make effective decisions. I do it for two reasons. One is, to see what's going on, and to make sure if I'm making the right decisions. And the second thing is, I still want to discover these raw diamonds.

Stevens: What's the best piece of business advice you've ever been given?

Fernandes: Focus and discipline. Stay focused and disciplined. Stick to a plan, stick to a vision. You change but the vision's still the same. And that came from Conor McCarthy of RyanAir. He has taught me about discipline and focus and I think that's been a really good lesson for me.

I Am Thankful....

I am Thankful For ...
 
The partner who hogs the covers every night, because he is not out with someone else.
The child who is not cleaning his room, but is watching TV, because that means he is at home and not on the streets.
For the taxes I pay, because it means I'm employed.
For the mess to clean after a party, because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.
For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am in the sunshine.
For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing, because that means I have a home.
For all the complaints I hear about the government, because it means we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the lot, because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with a car.
For my huge heating bill, because I am warm.
For the lady behind me in church who sings off-key, because that means I can hear.
For the pile of laundry and ironing, for it means I have clothes to wear.
For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, for it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning, because it means I am alive.
And finally, for too much e-mail, because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.
 
"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of GOD."

Joke: Stupid Engineer

In the darkest days of the Reign of Terror, three aristos were pushed off a tumbril for their turn with Madame Guillotine. The first was a priest, who turned to the crowd and said, 'I am innocent and have nothing to fear. I await the will of God.' He was laid out face down and the lever thrown, but the blade did not fall. The crowd cheered and shouted, 'A miracle! A miracle! Release the priest!' Accordingly he walked away a free man.

The next man was a lawyer, who delivered an impassioned summary of his respect for the law, then finished by shouting, 'Let true justice be done!' laid himself down to await death. Again the lever was thrown and again the blade didn't fall. And again the crowd demanded his release on the grounds that he was truly a just man. The lawyer walked free.

The third victim was an engineer. He said nothing but walked over to the guillotine and started looking at the mechanism. The executioner snapped, 'Stop wasting our time. You are neither a man of God nor a seeker of justice. Nothing will save you.' The engineer replied, 'Very well, but I wish to face upwards, that I may see the blade.'  
The crowd was amazed. 'Such courage. Such resolve! I would never have thought it possible!' they said among themselves. As the executioner reached for the lever, the engineer, who had been looking steadily upward, said, 'Hold on just a minute--I think I see your problem.'

Joke: An Engineer in Hell

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Joke:Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
 

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
 

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Advice from the Richest Man on Earth

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Awesome Pictures of the ISS (International Space Station)

Picture of the Year?

What does this picture remind you off?

To me, it reminds me of a young boy mustering his courage to give a flower to his girl, with the help of his best friend. Young men need the tiny push to get over their fear of the beautiful young lady.

If animals can show affection for one another, why not us?

The World of 100 People

Earth Status Report - 2006 *

If the* *population of the Earth was reduced to that of a small town with
100 people, it would look something like this: *



*57% Asians*

*21% Europeans*

*14% Americans (northern and southern)*

*8% Africans*







*52% women*

*48% men*







*70% coloured-skins *

*30% caucasians*







*89% heterosexuals*

*11% homosexuals*





*6 people would own 59% of the whole world wealth and all of them will be
from the United States of America *

*80%  would have bad living conditions*

*70%  would be uneducated*

*50% underfed*

*1 would die*

*2 would be born*

*1 would have a computer*

*1 (only one) will have higher education*

*

When you look at the world from this point of view, you can see there is a
real need for solidarity,
understanding, patience and education.

Also think about the following *-

*
This morning, if you woke up healthy, then you are happier than the 1
million people that will not survive next week. *





*If you never suffered a war,*

*the loneliness of the jail cell, the agony of torture, *

*or hunger,*

*

you are happier than 500 million people in the world.
If you can enter into a place of worship without fear of jail or death,  you
are happier then 3 million people in the world. *





*If there is a food in your fridge,*

*you have shoes and clothes,*

*you have bed and a roof,*

*you are richer then 75% of the people in the world.*









*If you have a bank account, money in your wallet and some coins in the
money-box,*

*you belong to the 8% of the people of the world who are well-to-do. *

*

If you read this, you are three times blessed because: *





*1*. *somebody just thought of you. *

*2* . *you don't belong to the 200 million people
who cannot read. *

*3 *. *and... you have a computer! *

*

As somebody once said:*





*" - Work as if you don't need money, *

*- Love as if you've never been hurt,*

*- Dance, as if nobody can see you, *

*- Sing, as if no one can hear, *



*- Live, as if the Earth was a heaven."*



*

If you like, send this to people you call friends.* *
If you don't send this, nothing will happen. But, if you send it - someone
will smile *







So start living & stop worrying, You don't know how lucky you are!

What Do You See

A PhD graduate and an ordinary man went on a camping trip, set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the ordinary man woke up his PhD friend: "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"

The PhD man replies: "I see millions of stars."
The ordinary man asks:  "What does that tell you?"

The PhD guy ponders for a minute: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Satan is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
A PhD graduate and an ordinary man went on a camping trip, set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the ordinary man woke up his PhD friend: "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"

The PhD man replies: "I see millions of stars." The ordinary man asks:
"What does that tell you?"

The PhD guy ponders for a minute: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Satan is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The ordinary man is silent for a moment, and then speaks:


"Practically........it tells me that someone has stolen our tent".

Be educated in the right way and not go beyond the boundaries!

Joke: Why we love the British

COMMENTS FROM BRITISH NEWSPAPERS

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)

2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)

3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)


A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

2) "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

3) "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4) "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

5) "We are now travelling through Baker Street... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".

6) "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided."

8) "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause .) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."

9) "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."

10) "Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors."

11) "We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door."

12) "To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

13) "Please move all baggage away from the doors." (Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways!"

14) "May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."

Fuel Saving Tips

Someone who has been in petroleum pipeline business for about 31 years and is currently working for the Kinder-Morgan Pipeline in San Jose, CA wrote the following information:

We deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period from the pipe line;one day it's diesel, the next day it's jet fuel and gasoline. We have 34 storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.


Here are some tricks to help you get your money's worth.

1. Fill up your car or truck in the morning when the temperature is still cool. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground; and the colder the ground, the denser the gasoline. When it gets warmer gasoline expands, so if you're filling up in the afternoon or in the evening, what should be a gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and temperature of the fuel (gasoline, diesel, jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products) are significant. Every truckload that we load is temperature-compensated so that the indicated gallonage is actually the amount pumped. A one-degree rise in
temperature is a big deal for businesses, but service stations don't have temperature compensation at their pumps.

2. If a tanker truck is filling the station's tank at the time you want to buy gas, do not fill up; most likely dirt and sludge in the tank is being stirred up when gas is being delivered, and you might be transferring that dirt from the bottom of their tank into your car's tank.

3. Fill up when your gas tank is half-full (or half-empty), because the more gas you have in your tank the less air there is and gasoline evaporates rapidly, especially when it's warm. (Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating 'roof' membrane to act as a barrier between the gas and the atmosphere, thereby minimizing evaporation.)

4. If you look at the trigger you'll see that it has three delivery settings: slow, medium and high. When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to the high setting.You should be pumping at the slow setting, thereby minimizing vapors created while you are pumping. Hoses at the pump are corrugated; the corrugations act as a return path for vapor recovery from gas that already has been metered. If you are pumping at the high setting, the agitated gasoline
contains more vapor, which is being sucked back into the underground tank, so you're getting less gas for your money.

Joke: States of Alert

France
Following the recent terrorist events the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level to 'Run and Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the military.

In response to the French raising their alert level other European countries have responded in kind.

Italy
The Italians have increased their alert level from 'Shouting Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing'.
Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.

Germany
The Germans have also increased their alert state from 'Distainful Arrogance' to 'Full Dress Uniform and Marching Songs'.
They have two higher levels. 'Invade a neighbour' and 'Lose'

USA
Seeing the reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from 'Isolationism' to 'Find Somewhere Ripe for Regime Change'.
Their remaining higher alert states are: 'Take on the World' and 'Ask Britain for Help'.

Great Britain
Finally, here in GB we've gone from 'Pretend Nothing Is Happening' to 'Make Another Cup of Tea'.

Our higher levels are: 'Chin Up and Remain Cheerful' and 'Win'.

The British are still feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and security threats and have raised their concern level from 'A Bit Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon, though concern levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'.

Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance'.

Note to readers: The last time the British classified anything as 'A Bloody Nuisance' was during the great fire of London in 1666.

Make a Budget to Help Your Dreams Come True!

By Monica Resinger
http://homemakersjournal.com

A budget helps you to see where your money is going and helps you determine where you can cut back. It is also an important guide for what to do with your money when you get paid. If you are serious about your financial goals, a budget is an absolute necessity.

When my husband and I got married over 18 years ago, we had no idea of how to manage our money. Even though we both worked, we always had a hard time paying our bills and had nothing to show for our money. Then my son came along and changed all of that; I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.

We also wanted to travel, save for retirement and college funds, and purchase our own home. We knew we had to start managing our money better to be able to do these things and the first step in doing that was to prepare a budget.

When you think of your financial goals, write them down at the top of a piece of paper. This will help you stay on track and give you motivation to stick to your budget.

The first step in making our budget was to list out the necessities… rent, utilities, phone, vehicle expense and food and the amounts we paid on them per month. Then we listed our credit card bills with minimum monthly payments and 'miscellaneous' for items like clothing or birthdays. We listed these on the paper that listed our financial goals.

When listing your budget amounts, be sure to be accurate and honest about how much you spend on them. Look back into your checkbook and add it all up. If you write down less than what you actually spend, how can you possibly cut back?

Once we made our list, we looked at it to see if there was anywhere we could cut back. We saw that we could probably cut back the amount we spent on food by using coupons and shopping sales and discount stores, so we lowered the amount we originally budgeted. We saw that we could probably cut back the amount we spent on gasoline by making fewer trips to the store, only driving when absolutely necessary, etc. So we lowered that amount also. We vowed to cut back on our power usage -- turn off lights when leaving a room, dry clothes on the line, wear sweaters so we can set the thermostat lower, etc. We stuck to these amounts and made it, and I was able to quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom.

At first we didn't have any money left after paying our necessities but that was okay because we had a roof over our head and I was able to stay home and raise our son. As my husband got raises then eventually started his own business, we began to have a little extra money left after our budget was paid. This enabled us to go out once in a while and add a new category onto our budget called 'savings' where we strive to save for vacations, home improvement, retirement funds, etc.

Within a few years, we were able to purchase our own house, remodel it a little at a time, make our credit card bills smaller, buy a nice car and take a couple nice vacations.

So please Make a Budget and Help your Dreams Come True!



Monica is the founder Homemaker's Journal E-publications, the growing home of many fun and informative home and garden e-books, tip sheets, articles and more! http://homemakersjournal.com/
Get a FREE Slowcooker Recipe E-book when you subscribe to Monica's FREE e-zine for homemakers!

Corporate Business Gifts That Say WOW!

Your corporate business gift should have "WOW" written all over
it. Your business gift should stand out, it should be memorable
and most of all it should turn a few heads. It should amaze the
recipient.

Let's face it, that traditional gift basket just doesn't cut it
anymore. Nor does that dusty bottle of wine or that heavy dull
paperweight.

Your company's employees, patrons and clients deserve more from
you. They need a business gift that goes beyond the 'normal
yawn' or 'that's nice!"

But creating or buying corporate business gifts that say WOW
takes a little bit of planning and time on the part of the giver.
However, like all things in life which take a little longer to
do, the rewards are worth it. The same applies here.

Maintaining high company morale is a sometimes forgotten aspect
of today's modern company or workplace. But creating a good
working atmosphere pays high dividends in more ways than one.
Savvy managers and bosses already know this and they also know
keeping everyone happy only adds to your productivity, no matter
what business you're pursuing.

However, like all gift-giving, it's not easy to find the perfect
corporate gift that will wow the receiver. Short of a Lear Jet,
here are some suggestions to increase the WOW factor in your next
corporate business gift.

1. WOW them with Personalization

Might sound a bit obvious but nothing is more desirable or
pleasant as seeing your own name on a well-thought-out gift. So
include a name plaque or engraving to show your real
appreciation. Remember, almost anything these days can be laser
engraved, so there's no reason not to personalize your gifts.

Moreover, whatever you give, make sure it relates to the person
receiving it. Relating the gift to an employee's interests and
hobbies is always more effective than a generic gift. Getting a
practical gift that you can actually use and benefit from will
greatly increase the wow factor.

2. WOW them with Uniqueness

Along the same lines, making your business gifts unique, one of a
kind, will obviously make them stand out. High quality
hand-crafted items and works of art can sometimes produce that
wow moment.

3. WOW them with Style

High style always wows the receiver. Make sure if you give
business related gifts they are stylish and in demand.
Fashionable gifts are always much more appreciated.

4. WOW them with Surprise

Everyone loves a surprise. So a surprise gift will always wow
them. Unexpected gifts can be the most fun; everyone expects the
Christmas Turkey Hamper but a half day surprise holiday will wow
them over to your side!

5. WOW them with High Tech

Truth be told, no one ever grows up. We are all still kids at
heart. We still like the latest toys, especially high tech toys
and gadgets that wow us.

So don't rule out giving the latest smart phone, PDAs that do
everything under the sun, LCD TVs that dazzle the eyes or
computer games that will have everyone jumping or looking on in
amazement.

6. WOW them with Fun

All kids like to play and have fun. Corporate gifts don't have
to be dull and boring, instead spice them up by including the
element of fun. Have corporate sponsored games, parties or trips
to sporting events and concerts.

Think outside the workplace.

Cater to your workers' interests/hobbies and plan such things as
fine dining, hiking trips, wine tasting parties or trips to
Vegas. Whatever the majority of your clients and workers do to
have fun - within legal limits of course!

7. WOW them with Money

Money never loses its WOW factor! If all else fails or you just
plain forget, money always works. Bonuses and stock options have
been wowing them over for years. Probably always will, everyone
loves getting more money. Pay raises at the appropriate
gift-giving time will put a smile on everyone's face except your
accoundant's.

8. WOW them with Emotion!

Remember, corporate business gifts are first and foremost just
gifts. The best gifts are the ones that surprises us and
literally makes us jump for joy. If we look a little deeper we
would probably discover gifts play a much more important role in
our lives.

Gifts fill an emotional need we all have, the need to feel
appreciated and wanted, whether it's from a loved one or from
the company we work for. Likewise, the reciprocal is also true,
the giver never forgets the feeling and joy of giving a gift.

Gifts work both ways.

Any company, boss, manager or worker can use corporate gift
giving to accomplish or fulfill these human needs. To make the
sometimes cold sterile workplace just a little more human. A
well-thought-out and heart-felt corporate business gift will show
the recipient just how much they are appreciated. And vice
versa.

Perhaps, underneath it all, whether we realize it or not, this is
the true corporate gift that really says WOW.

----------------------------------------------------------
For the latest corporate gifts ideas for any occasion and a
handy Amazon gift-organizer try here: Corporate Business Gifts
http://www.bizwaremagic.com/corporate_business_gifts.htm For
Timely Special Savings/Deals/Coupons on Corporate Gifts...go
to: http://www.bizwaremagic.com/executive_business_gifts.htm
Executive Business Gifts


Copyright (c) 2007 Titus Hoskins
Bizware Magic
http://www.bizwaremagic.com

To All Married Women, How to Poison Your Mother-in-law

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.

Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law' s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappinessin the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law' s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison So that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.

Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do".

Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.

He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen".

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treate d food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practised controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law' s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find.

Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr Huang and asked for his help again. She said, "Dear Mr Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her".

Mr Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her".

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return. God might be trying to work in another person's life through you.

Boldness Isnt Hurried.

Don't act rashly or hastily; that will only get you in trouble.  But when you have a great idea - pursue it now.  Take concrete and committed action steps.

Start writing the book, don't just think about it.

Call for the audition, just pick up the phone and call.

Go talk to the person who offered you the job.

Get the team together and tell them your idea.

Set some extreme goals that will push you into new levels of thinking.

Most people do way too much "thinking about it" and not nearly enough action. The universe  rewards those who act boldly and with faith. Security and safety are illusory and greatly overrated.

Act boldly in spite of any fear. You may think it easy for the rich to be bold, yet they acted with boldness and faith first, and then the wealth flowed.

Who Would You Kill?

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,  
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded,
and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

 

 

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks
8 to 10 martinis a day.

 

Candidate B

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon,

used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

 

Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't
smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

 

 

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.....

 

 

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

 

 

 

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

 

 

 

Pretty interesting isn't it?

Makes a person think before judging someone.

Wait till you see the end of this note!

 

Keep reading..

Never be afraid to try something new.

 

Remember:

 

Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic

 

 

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that
has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to
keep people like us in line.

Why Men Cant Be Good Nude Models...

This is an excellent example of why men find it hard to be nude models....

Joke:Reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".



A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."



One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"



The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."



A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:     "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Quote

"Sloth makes all things difficult, but industry, all things easy. He that rises late must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night, while laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes him."

INSPIRATION: A Simple Story of True Love and True Care

I was born in a secluded village on a mountain. Day by day, my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs towards the sky.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me. I wanted to buy a handkerchief, which all girls around me seemed to have. So, one day I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer. Father had discovered about the stolen money right away.

He made me and my younger brother kneel against the  wall as he held a bamboo stick in his hand. "Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk. Neither of us admitted to the fault, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"  

H e lifted up the bamboo stick. Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!" The long stick smacked my brother's back repeatedly. Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath. After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded  my brother, "You have learned to steal from your own house now. What other embarrassing things will you be possibly doing in the future? You should be beaten to death, you shameless thief!"

That night, my mother and I hugged my brother. His   body was full of wounds from the beating but he never shed a single tear.  In the middle of the night, all of sudden, I cried out loudly. My brother covered my mouth with his little   hand and said, " Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."

I still hate myself for not having enough courage to   admit what I did. Years gone by, but the incident still seemed like it just happened yesterday.   I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old and I was 11   years old. When my brother was in his last year of secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central. At the same time, I was accepted into a university in the province. That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking,   packet by packet.

I could hear him ask my mother, "Both of our children, they have good results? very good results?" Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"  At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front
of father and said,"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."

Father swung his hand and slapped my brother on his face. "Why do you have a spirit so damn weak? Even if it   means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you have both finished your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the   village to borrow money. I stuck out my hand as gently as I can to my brother's swollen face, and told him, "A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to overcome this   poverty we are experiencing."

I, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study at the university. Nobody knew that on the next day, before dawn,   my   brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans. He sneaked to my side of   the bed and left a note on my pillow; "Sis, getting   into a university is not easy. I will go find a job and I will send money to you."

I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried   until I lost my voice. That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old. With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and the money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at a construction site,finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, while I was studying in my room, my roommate   came in and told me,"There's a villager waiting for   you outside!" Why would there be a villager looking for me? I walked   out, and I saw my brother from afar. His whole body was covered with dirt, dust, cement and sand. I asked him, "Why did you not tell my roommate that you are my brother?"

He replied with a smile," Look at my appearance. What   will they think if they would know that I am your brother? Won't they laugh at you?"   I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept   away dirt and dust from my brother's body. And told him with a lump in my throat, " I don't care what people would say! You are my brother no matter what   your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He   put it on my hair and said, "I saw all the girls in   town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one."   I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my   brother into my arms and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old. I noticed that the broken window was repaired the first time I brought my boyfriend home. The house was scrubbed cleaned. After my boyfriend left, I danced like a little girl   in front of my mother, "Mom, you didn't have to spend so much time cleaning the house!" But she told me with a smile,"  

It was your brother who went home early to   clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He hurt his hand while he was replacing the window." I went into my brother's bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.

I applied some ointment on his wound and put a bandag e   on it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him. "No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when at the construction site, stones keep falling on my feet . Even that could not stop me from working." In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolled down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years   old. After I got married, I lived in the city. Many times my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village,they wouldn't know what to do. My brother agreed with them. He said, "Sis, you just   take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory. We asked my brother to accept the offer of being the   manager in the maintenance department. But my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on working as a repairman instead for a start.

One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder   repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.  My husband and I visited him at the hospital. Looking  at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled, "Why did you reject the offer of being a manager? Managers   won't do something dangerous like that. Now look at you, You are suffering a serious injury. Why didn't you just listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended his decision, "Think of brother-in-law. He just became the director, and I being uneducated, and would become a manager, what kind of rumors would fly around?" My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education only because of me!"   "Why do you talk about the past?" he said and then he held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years   old. My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer   girl from the village. During the wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one person you respect and love the most?"

Without even taking a time to think, he answered," My   sister." He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.

"When I was in primary school, the school was in a different village. Everyday, my sister and I would   walk for 2 hours to school and back home. One day, I lost the other pair of my gloves. My sister gave me one of hers. She wore only one glove and she had to walk far. When   we got home, her hands were trembling because of the cold weather that she could not even hold her chopsticks.

From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and will always be good to her." Applause filled up the room. All guests turned their   attention to me. I found it hard to speak, "In my whole life, the one I would like to thank most is my brother," And in this happy occasion,in front of the crowd, tears were rolling down my face again.

Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life. You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot.

Waja: First Service

All new cars are supposed to be serviced after 1000km, just to remove the debris from the engine.But at 1000km, I was just starting my trip up north to Penang, a 385km ride. To and fro, that would come close to 800 km, which was where my mileage was when I serviced the car yesterday - 1855 km.

And it cost me RM245 to have synthetic oil put in with the usual oil filter and other basic stuff. Aleast the synthetic oil can keep my car purring for another 10,000 km before the next oil change.

I have some shots on the interior of the car, which by the way, is named JumboG. I'll upload it when I remember to take the camera from the car.

INSPIRATION: The Little Glass Piece

 
A fourteenth-century Italian stained-glass artist was summoned to design and create a huge portrait for the window of a cathedral in Chartres, France, a place well known for its stained-glass work. He laid all of the pieces he was going to use out on the floor of the cathedral. They were beautiful to behold; most of them were large and colorful. Some of the colors from that time cannot even be reproduced today. Among these awesome pieces of glass was a small, clear piece about as big as your fingernail. As the stained-glass portrait was assembled, that little piece remained on the floor. Only the big colorful pieces of glass were used.
 
On the day of the window's completion, the little piece of clear glass was still lying on the ground. The entire city gathered to witness the unveiling of the brilliant and beautiful stained-glass portrait. The artist stood in front of the crowd, made his speech, and dramatically pulled down the cloth cover. The crowd gasped at the beauty of the colorful window glowing in the sunlight.
 
After a few seconds, however, the crowd grew silent. They sensed that something was missing, that the portrait was unfinished. The great artist then walked over to where the little clear piece of glass lay, picked it up, and placed it in the portrait, right in the center of Jesus' eye. As the sun hit that little piece, it gave off a dazzling sparkle.
 
The magnificent stained glass window still draws visitors. The first thing they see is that sparkle in Jesus' eye.
 
Do you ever feel like that little piece of clear glass? Left out. Untalented. A disappointment. You doubt you can ever do anything for God. Let the story of that last little piece remind you that God thinks of you as the apple of his eye (Psalm 17:8). No matter that in your eyes you don't measure up to others; you are important to God. That is why He sent His Son Jesus to die for you.
 
2 Corinthians 6:16-18 "And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." KJV
 
Zechariah 2:8 "For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye." KJV
 
Remember: God loves you and nothing people say to you or about you can change that.
 
Written By Dwayne Sava

Joke: My First Confession

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional can never be broken, however I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer! Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral : What do your friends say about you in your absence?