Wednesday, May 02, 2012

The Lighter Side...Stephen Wright

Wright is a droll. sometimes acerbic American comedian who had/has a large following in Australia 

Here are some of his one liners 

1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 

2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 

3. Half the people you know are below average. 

4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 

5. 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

6. If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain. 

7. All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 

9. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... but she left me before we met. 

10. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 

11. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 

12. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 

13. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 

14. I intend to live forever... So far, so good. 

15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 

16. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name. 

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 

18. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 

19. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 

20. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

21. If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? 

22. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time

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