DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

     During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.

       She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

 I noticed  that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
                 "It depends. Is  that your husband?"

         In all seriousness, she answered "How do you  know?"

          Let me answer this question because the chances are
                good that  it's weighing on your mind.

                          Here's the answer.

EVERY  relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your  spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
                        their  idiosyncrasies.

   Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact,  it was a
            completely natural and spontaneous experience.
 You didn't have  to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

                   Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was  swept of my feet." Think about the
 imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came  along and happened TO YOU.

 Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and  spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria  of  love fades. It's the
 natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly  but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not  always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead  of being cute, drive you nuts.

 The symptoms of this stage vary with  every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a  dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in love and a  much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you  and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And  as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
 the love you once had,  you may begin to desire that experience with
  someone else. This is when  marriages breakdown. People blame their
   spouse for their unhappiness and  look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital  fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
    the most obvious.  But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
           friendship, excessive TV, or  abusive substances.

  But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside  your marriage.

                          It lies within it.

 I'm not saying that you couldn't  fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd  feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a
         few years later. Because  (listen carefully to this):

      THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS  NOT FINDING THE
      RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU  FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.  It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to  "make" it
 day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."

 Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most  importantly, it
takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your  marriage work.

 Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There  are specific
 things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed  with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe  (such as gravity), there
 are also laws for relationships. Just as the right  diet and exercise
    program makes you physically stronger, certain   habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a  direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are  predictable...you can "make" love.

   Love in marriage is indeed a  "decision"... Not just a  feeling.