Thursday, October 21, 2010
Never Argue with a Woman who Reads
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again..
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again..
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Malaysia Bus Accident on 10.10.10 - A Sea of Blood
The bus accident that happened on October 10, 2010 was another
reminder of how Malaysian bus operators put profit ahead of lives.
Those cheap bus operators wouldnt blink an eye if this scene were to
repeat themselves. Because they also know the Road Transport
department is a limp agency, incapable of punishing the culprits
behind this sad tragedy.
If you're ever in Malaysia and if you value your lives, pay the extra
money and travel on the luxury coaches. Not because of the luxury, but
because these coaches are safe and have yet to suffer such an
accident. While they might cost double or triple the fare of the
cheaper buses, think of the live of your loved ones and yourself. If
their lives are dispensable, then by all means, go for these cheap
buses.
These cheap bus operators know that they will always get customers
because of their cheap price, so these types of accidents wont change
their attitude nor behaviour. To them, you're just RM25!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friend's FB Status
My funny friend's Facebook status this morning:
Dear 6am, couldn't you have waited like another hour?
Dear 6am, couldn't you have waited like another hour?
Friday, October 08, 2010
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Joke: Life After Death?
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she dropped by to see you."
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she dropped by to see you."
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
How Much Theory You Need To Know
My colleagues and I are disturbed when we hear companies say their software brings finite-element analysis down from the ivory towers inhabited by Ph.D. gurus. Most professional stress analysts do not have a Ph.D.
In our division, we have more than 90 engineering analysts, and only about 20% have a Ph.D. Some of the best analysts I know have only a B.S. degree, but what makes them good is a track record extending over 20 years or more. When I interview job candidates, I focus on how well they can learn, not how many letters they have after their name. It is true that many professional analysts have an M.S., but it is not because they need to know tensor calculus. Instead, the fact they have pursued an advanced degree demonstrates they can learn. A doctorate is additional evidence they can do original thinking.
I think thoughtful analysts are afraid of pushbutton analysis, but not becuase it might cost them their jobs. There are still many crucial problems that pushbutton approaches cannot solve. So there will always be work for experts. What analysts actually fear are errors that can be built automatically into an analysis at the push of a button, sometimes in an uncontrollable and even undetectable fashion.
One company claims its automesher will build models with an element form sometimes superior to conventional tetrahedrons. But deep inside the model, these elements look as though they are near the event horizon of a black hole. This affects the answer. Many engineers, and most salesmen, lack the two or three years of differential equations, numerical analysis, and vector calculus to understand why.
One widely used solver is pitched as a product that makes analysis accessible to just about anyone who can type. We use this package because it is an excellent tool for large 3D linear elastic stress analysis. But no matter how good your executive assistants are, would you want them designing airplane parts?
The only way to design critical parts safely is to use your head - and somebody else's as well. If you can't tell approximately what the answer should be before you statr a problem, ask someone who can. Be sure you do this before taking the word of a computer. Many a neophyte has been saved by a graybeard saying: "That looks like it will break. Add material here."
Analysts should be as familiar with Roark and Peterson's books as they are with their favorite FEA text or user manual. We have on occasion seen "answers" that violate Newton's Laws of Physics. These errors apparently were tied to users who didn't understand the physics of the problem. We have also seen symmetrical problems with unsymmetrical answers. The software vendors involved couldn't explain the errors. In both scenarios, we were saved from the "answer" by people with experience who instinctively knew something was wrong.
Many engineers have the background and experience to use pushbutton analysis safely. But many in the target market do not. The notion that an academic degree in engineering instantly qualifies you to be an analyst is equivalent to saying that a new driver's license qualifies you to compete in the Indy 500.
Finally, bear in mind that a good stress analyst is like a good trial lawyer. Neither asks a question for which he does not already know the answer.
by Mr. Douglas Hall
In our division, we have more than 90 engineering analysts, and only about 20% have a Ph.D. Some of the best analysts I know have only a B.S. degree, but what makes them good is a track record extending over 20 years or more. When I interview job candidates, I focus on how well they can learn, not how many letters they have after their name. It is true that many professional analysts have an M.S., but it is not because they need to know tensor calculus. Instead, the fact they have pursued an advanced degree demonstrates they can learn. A doctorate is additional evidence they can do original thinking.
I think thoughtful analysts are afraid of pushbutton analysis, but not becuase it might cost them their jobs. There are still many crucial problems that pushbutton approaches cannot solve. So there will always be work for experts. What analysts actually fear are errors that can be built automatically into an analysis at the push of a button, sometimes in an uncontrollable and even undetectable fashion.
One company claims its automesher will build models with an element form sometimes superior to conventional tetrahedrons. But deep inside the model, these elements look as though they are near the event horizon of a black hole. This affects the answer. Many engineers, and most salesmen, lack the two or three years of differential equations, numerical analysis, and vector calculus to understand why.
One widely used solver is pitched as a product that makes analysis accessible to just about anyone who can type. We use this package because it is an excellent tool for large 3D linear elastic stress analysis. But no matter how good your executive assistants are, would you want them designing airplane parts?
The only way to design critical parts safely is to use your head - and somebody else's as well. If you can't tell approximately what the answer should be before you statr a problem, ask someone who can. Be sure you do this before taking the word of a computer. Many a neophyte has been saved by a graybeard saying: "That looks like it will break. Add material here."
Analysts should be as familiar with Roark and Peterson's books as they are with their favorite FEA text or user manual. We have on occasion seen "answers" that violate Newton's Laws of Physics. These errors apparently were tied to users who didn't understand the physics of the problem. We have also seen symmetrical problems with unsymmetrical answers. The software vendors involved couldn't explain the errors. In both scenarios, we were saved from the "answer" by people with experience who instinctively knew something was wrong.
Many engineers have the background and experience to use pushbutton analysis safely. But many in the target market do not. The notion that an academic degree in engineering instantly qualifies you to be an analyst is equivalent to saying that a new driver's license qualifies you to compete in the Indy 500.
Finally, bear in mind that a good stress analyst is like a good trial lawyer. Neither asks a question for which he does not already know the answer.
by Mr. Douglas Hall
Monday, October 04, 2010
A Story to Live By
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat..
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.
Friday, October 01, 2010
Definition of Friends...
Friendship - Tips For A Special Relationship!
Friendship is a most beautiful thing to happen to human being. We all meet some people with whom we never had a kinship, but they become so special in our life that it becomes hard to live without them. Let us see some points we should consider while playing a role in friendship.
Many poets have described friendship as one of the most fascinating bond we ever make in our life. It's the most beautiful thing that happens to us. Friendship is a relation that is entirely based on trust, belief of two friends in each other. We come across many things in our lives, about which we do not tell anything to people near and dear to us, but we freely tell everything to our friends.
Many people find good friends but they fail to continue with their friendship, because they do not know their role as a friend. Let us see some important points that we should take care of if we wish to be good friend for someone:
Be a secrete admirer of your friend:- If your friend is good at something then do not praise him/her in his/her presence. Praising a person for what he/she is good, does not improve his/her qualities, but can cause over-confidence to be induced in him/her, which surely will be harmful for your friend. A good friend should never miss an opportunity to praise his/her friend in front of others when he/she is not around.
Don't proved him/her wrong in public:- As it is important not to praise a friend openly in his/her presence, it is also very much important to abstain from proving him/her wrong in front of other people. Take him/her away from the crowd and let him/her know where he/she is wrong. There is no point in proving your friend wrong in other's presence; it will spoil your friend's image in other's view. And additionally your friendship will be in danger.
Try to understand your friend:- It is always important to understand what your friend is worried about or what problems he/she is facing. Always try to understand the situation your friend is in and try to soothe him/her. It is evident that if people are undergoing some problems, they will not speak up their problems to their brothers or sisters, they will instead tell everything to their friends. Let your friend speak up, just listen to him/her and be with him/her until your friend does not come out of frustration.
Pull Your Friend Away From Making Mistakes:- If your friend is doing something wrong, it is your duty to let him/her know it at earliest. Keep in mind; best friend has to play a role of critic if he/she wants his/her friend to stop doing wrong things. But again keep in mind not to show your friends mistakes in front of other people. Sometimes it is important to understand your friend's intentions behind his/her actions and try to analyze situation, then only you should give your opinion.
The Ego Problem:- Never let ego spoil your friendship. It is no reason to be jealous if your friend is not at all able to speak to you and is with someone else, you have to be his/her friend, do not expect word of gratitude from the person you think is your friend. Sometimes there could be a clash between you and your friend, and you both stop talking to each other for some time, it is not at all wrong to speak first and say sorry to your friend, no matter what happens.
Try to Teach Good Things:- If you are a true friend, you should never give your hungry friend a fish, instead, you should teach him/her how to fish, this will give your friend food for lifetime. A good friend will never wish his/her friend to be dependent on someone.
Do Not Interfere:- Most important point that one should take care of is that your friend has his/her own life and you should not interfere in his/her life. You have a right to tell your friend what is good and what is bad, but you do not have a right to make someone do what you wish.
Friendship is a most beautiful thing to happen to human being. We all meet some people with whom we never had a kinship, but they become so special in our life that it becomes hard to live without them. Let us see some points we should consider while playing a role in friendship.
Many poets have described friendship as one of the most fascinating bond we ever make in our life. It's the most beautiful thing that happens to us. Friendship is a relation that is entirely based on trust, belief of two friends in each other. We come across many things in our lives, about which we do not tell anything to people near and dear to us, but we freely tell everything to our friends.
Many people find good friends but they fail to continue with their friendship, because they do not know their role as a friend. Let us see some important points that we should take care of if we wish to be good friend for someone:
Be a secrete admirer of your friend:- If your friend is good at something then do not praise him/her in his/her presence. Praising a person for what he/she is good, does not improve his/her qualities, but can cause over-confidence to be induced in him/her, which surely will be harmful for your friend. A good friend should never miss an opportunity to praise his/her friend in front of others when he/she is not around.
Don't proved him/her wrong in public:- As it is important not to praise a friend openly in his/her presence, it is also very much important to abstain from proving him/her wrong in front of other people. Take him/her away from the crowd and let him/her know where he/she is wrong. There is no point in proving your friend wrong in other's presence; it will spoil your friend's image in other's view. And additionally your friendship will be in danger.
Try to understand your friend:- It is always important to understand what your friend is worried about or what problems he/she is facing. Always try to understand the situation your friend is in and try to soothe him/her. It is evident that if people are undergoing some problems, they will not speak up their problems to their brothers or sisters, they will instead tell everything to their friends. Let your friend speak up, just listen to him/her and be with him/her until your friend does not come out of frustration.
Pull Your Friend Away From Making Mistakes:- If your friend is doing something wrong, it is your duty to let him/her know it at earliest. Keep in mind; best friend has to play a role of critic if he/she wants his/her friend to stop doing wrong things. But again keep in mind not to show your friends mistakes in front of other people. Sometimes it is important to understand your friend's intentions behind his/her actions and try to analyze situation, then only you should give your opinion.
The Ego Problem:- Never let ego spoil your friendship. It is no reason to be jealous if your friend is not at all able to speak to you and is with someone else, you have to be his/her friend, do not expect word of gratitude from the person you think is your friend. Sometimes there could be a clash between you and your friend, and you both stop talking to each other for some time, it is not at all wrong to speak first and say sorry to your friend, no matter what happens.
Try to Teach Good Things:- If you are a true friend, you should never give your hungry friend a fish, instead, you should teach him/her how to fish, this will give your friend food for lifetime. A good friend will never wish his/her friend to be dependent on someone.
Do Not Interfere:- Most important point that one should take care of is that your friend has his/her own life and you should not interfere in his/her life. You have a right to tell your friend what is good and what is bad, but you do not have a right to make someone do what you wish.
Want Some Non Spicy Nasi Lemak?
Want some non-spicy nasi lemak? Then head over to Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. They have several outlets, just check out their website but I am so disappointed that their nasi lemak's lack the spiciness that make nasi lemak such a delicious dish.
Never again.
Road side nasi lemak is still the best.
Why Go to Church?
If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this!
If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it.
If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!
If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it.
If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!
Why Go To Church?
A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday....
"I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 203,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So,I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this.... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday....
"I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 203,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So,I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this.... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
When you are DOWN to nothing... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Feeling Depressed...It's Only Wednesday.
I was on a backpacking holiday in the Middle East. After visiting the countries for a few weeks I was somehow feeling depressed.
So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call-center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....
"Joke" of the Current World Situation we are in….
So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call-center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....
"Joke" of the Current World Situation we are in….
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Giving Up Wine
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked. 'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman... I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Guts or Balls...
There is a medical distinction. We have all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ''You are next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ''You are next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Paraprosdokian Sentences
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
To save you the trouble of looking it up:
Paraprosdokian
A paraprosdokian (from Greek meaning "beyond expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
To save you the trouble of looking it up:
Paraprosdokian
A paraprosdokian (from Greek meaning "beyond expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Kopitiam at Midnight.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
How Stupid Is Yahoo?
It amazes me how some companies can reply so stupidly. In this case, its Yahoo, the search engine giant who lost its brains when Google came to the scene. Yahoo reminds me of the big, stupid kid on the block who lost out to the small, nerdy kid, Google.
Anyway, recently there were claims that Yahoo's lumbering email service was hijacked by spammers who sent out Viagra emails. While spamming using forged email addresses are common and leaves no trace in your Sent mail box, this time apparently, evidence could be found in your Sent Item folder. Which leads people to believe that somehow, your account was compromised.
But get this. Read this article "Who Hijacked Yahoo Mail" and find out how educated customer support people can utter such stupendous answers when a client asks them questions about their OWN email account.
My God, no wonder Yahoo is going down the drain.
P.S. On another note, dont expect intelligent answers from Google's customer support either. Dont believe me, just try it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
US Koran Burning Ceremony Suspended
Terry Jones, pastor of the US-based Dove World Outreach Center, has reportedly suspended his plans to hold an 'International Burn a Koran Day' on 11 September. The event, the stated purpose of which was to commemorate the ninth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in the United States, was initially cancelled on 9 September following negotiations between Jones and Muslim leaders in which he was allegedly promised that a proposed Islamic centre would not be built close to New York's Ground Zero site. However, after a spokesman for the Muslim community refuted that any such deal had been struck, Jones retracted his decision to cancel the event and instead claimed that plans to hold the ceremony would be suspended. If the event does indeed go ahead as planned, it is likely to trigger significant protests in several Muslim majority countries, regions and territories, and these will likely focus on US embassies and other Western diplomatic offices. Even if the event is cancelled or deferred, its original stated purpose will likely prompt sporadic protests; Friday prayers on 10 September, which marks the end of Ramadan (Eid al-Fitr), could act as a flashpoint for such demonstrations, which may heighten anti-US and anti-Western sentiment in some Muslim-majority countries. Demonstrations may lead to localised travel disruptions and carry the potential for civil unrest. As a consequence, red24 advises travellers to avoid all protests and to minimise the time spent in the vicinity of buildings and areas associated with US interests, particularly diplomatic offices. It should be noted that religious sites are also considered potential hotspots for protests and demonstrations, and caution is advised in and around these areas. Travellers are further advised to maintain a low profile and to avoid displaying overt signs of nationality.
(taken from red24 alert)
Monday, September 06, 2010
English Kills?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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