Resume Bloopers

This one came courtesy of a good friend.

-- "I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success."

-- "I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer."

-- "Hobbies: enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians."

-- "2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people."

-- "Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail."

-- "Objective: Career on the Information Supper Highway."

-- "Experience: Stalking, shipping & receiving"

-- "I am great with the pubic."

-- "My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers."

-- "Revolved customer problems and inquiries."

-- "Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts."

-- "Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget."

-- "Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement."

-- "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

-- "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

-- "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

-- "It’s best for employers that I not work with people."

-- "I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness."

-- "Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve."

-- "I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose 'eject child' from the special menu.)"

-- "Reason for leaving: Terminated after saying, 'It would be a blessing to be fired.'"