The Italian Wedding Test

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate.
She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
She couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told  me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".
Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said.
"If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment.
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
He said, 'Paulie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son..'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

A Fable about a Horse and a Pig and How it Relates to Work

There was a farmer who had a horse and a pig.
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:

Well, your horse has a virus.
He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The pig approached the horse and said:
Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The pig came back and said:
Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three ...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three ... Good, good. Now faster, come on ... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:
It's a miracle! My horse is cured!

We must have a grand party. Let's kill the pig !

The Lesson:
This often happens in the workplace.
Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.

Remember:
LEARNING TO LIVE WITHOUT RECOGNITION IS A SKILL!

If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, remember:
Amateurs built the Ark [which saved all the species] and professionals built the Titanic [all died tragically]

DON'T LOOK TO BECOME A PERSON OF SUCCESS, LOOK INSTEAD TO BECOME A PERSON WITH VALUES!

What is the Difference between Knowledge and Enlightenment?

When you have knowledge, you use a torch to show the way.

When you are enlightened, you become the torch.

Finally, The First Chess Tournament of the Year

Finally, the first chess tournament of the year and I managed to avoid finishing at the bottom. 

Played 7, won 2, lost 5.

Culture Clash: 30 Ways to Avoid Offending the Next Person You Meet

By Lauga Oskarsdottir, MTS Logistics
http://morethanshipping.com/


Working in a global industry means communicating daily with individuals across borders, oceans and continents. It also includes traveling far distances to establish and further develop business relationships. We live in a culturally diverse world, where one of the keys to international business success is knowledge of the impact of cultural differences.

Bridging the culture gap can be challenging, but if you make a small effort to obtain a greater understanding of others’ background and social norms it will be highly appreciated and it will make your business relationships more positive and successful.

Let’s visit the world’s continents, and see what you might want to avoid doing when dealing with or visiting a respective country.

1. In Western cultures, people are taught to look people in the eyes at all times; averting the eyes often signifies a lack of sincerity or confidence. In Japan on the other hand, constant eye contact is considered rude or even aggressive.
     
2. Business cards should be accepted with both hands as a sign of deference.
     
3. In Indonesia it is considered extremely rude to point with the forefinger. It is especially rude if the pointing is towards a person. When pointing the Indonesian uses his thumb.
     
4. In Thailand it is considered rude to cross your legs in company and to point your toes at another person. The feet, as the lowest part of the body, are given the lowest esteem and pointing a toe is demeaning to the person at whom the foot is pointed.
     
5. In the Philippines if someone is buying you a meal, the invitee orders first. The invited should order items equal to or below the cost of the invitee’s meal.
     
6. In China It is considered polite to decline a gift when it is first offered and the giver is expected to offer it multiple times. Also gifts are generally not opened in the giver’s presence.
     
7. In China and other Asian countries, it is considered impolite for a person to pour their own drink. Generally an individual will offer to pour a companion’s drink and the companion, in return will pour the individual’s drink.
     
8. In Bangladesh, the “Thumbs Up” gesture is considered an offensive insult.
     
9. Tipping is considered rude and is never done in Japan.
     
10. In German business dealings, moving your chair closer to the host is considered an insult.
      
11. In Russia prolonged direct eye contact may be considered aggressive or as invitation to more intimate relationships (especially with the opposite sex), so it should be avoided in business relationships.
      
12. In France, assuming that people speak English without inquiry may be found unpleasant; being able to greet in French and ask whether the Frenchman speaks English is highly appreciated.
      
13. Silence is golden throughout most of Scandinavia. Do not feel the need to fill any silence with conversation. Silence is often used as thinking time and the prelude to what will be said next.
      
14. In many European countries, punctuality is essential and any possible late arrival should be communicated in advance.
      
15. When doing business in the Middle East, handshakes are always used and can last a long time. Islamic etiquette recommends that one waits for the other to withdraw their hand first before doing the same. Always use the right hand. Do not be surprised if your hand is held while you are led somewhere.
      
16. In most Arab countries, it is considered polite and a sign of friendship for males to hold hands when walking. So don’t be alarmed or offended if this were to happen, as it does not have the romantic connotations that it does in the West.
      
17. The Middle Eastern culture places more value on someone’s word as opposed to a written agreement. A person’s word is connected to their honour.
      
18. Meetings should not be made too far in advance as changes in personal circumstances may impact your appointment. Once an appointment has been made, confirm it verbally with the person you will meet a few days before. Punctuality is expected of foreigners.
      
19. In Arab countries displaying the soles of one’s feet or touching somebody with one’s shoes is considered rude.
      
20. In Iraq the “Thumbs Up” gesture is considered an offensive insult.
      
21. When visiting someone’s home in Canada, the serving of coffee at the end of an evening is a signal that it is time for vsisitors to prepare to leave.
      
22. In the US it is considered impolite not to cover your mouth and nose when sneezing or coughing. When someone else sneezes, it is customary to say “Bless you”. If someone says “Bless you” to you, it is customary to reply with “Thank you.”
      
23. In the US, one should address those significantly older than them as Mr., Sir, Mrs., Ma’am, Ms. or Miss. For example, it may be considered rude to address someone by their first name unless they have invited you to do so. In a professional setting this especially applies, however many people will ask you to refer to them by their last name.
      
24. South Americans like to talk in close proximity to each other. North Americans, and others, may see this as an invasion of personal space.
      
25. In many parts of Africa there is a cultural tendency toward a more relaxed attitude to time and punctuality.
26. In the cultures of sub-Saharan Africa, direct and frank communication is not the norm in most parts of the region as most Africans are uncomfortable with blunt statements.
      
27. In Ghana, asking a person to a social event implies that the person offering the invite will be paying for everything. Inviting a person out and then expecting them to pay for their own drinks or food is considered extremely rude.
      
28. In South Africa it is the custom to look someone in the eye whenever touching glasses for a toast. Varying superstitious results can follow should you not do so.
      
29. In Australia when riding alone in a taxi, it is considered polite to sit in the front passenger seat next to the driver.
      
30. Australians are known to use informal language, and therefore may refer to some foreigners as “mate” instead of using more respectful titles. An example of this is the former Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, thanking the head of the United Nations for his support in the East Timor Crisis in year 2000, with the phrase: “I owe you a beer”.
      
31. Lauga is originally from Iceland, and is a Sales and Marketing Executive for MTS Logistics. Lauga has experience as a Sales Manager for a large fitness corporation in Oslo, Norway before she moved to New York in 2009 to pursue a Business Management degree at Berkeley
      

Reality

A drunk was staggering across a bridge one night when he ran into a friend. The two of them leaned over the bridge and began chatting for a while.

"What's that down there?" asked the drunk suddenly.

"That's the moon." said his friend.

The drunk looked again, shook his head in disbelief and said, "Okay, okay. But how the hell did I get way up here?"


We almost never see reality.
What we see is a reflection of it,
in the form of words and concepts,
which we then proceed to take for reality.
The world we live in
is mostly a mental construct.

Company Policy

A women at a bank asked the cashier to cash a cheque for her.

Citing company policy, the cashier asked her for some identification.

The women gasped.

Finally she blurted out, "But Johnny, I'm your mother!"

Awareness

How aware are you of your surroundings?

A women in the grocery department of a supermarket bent down to pick up some tomatoes. At that moment, she felt a sharp pain shooting down her back; she became immobilised and let out a shriek.


A shopper standing next to her leaned over knowingly and said, "If you think tomatoes are bad, you should see the price of fish!"

Here Yesterday...Gone Today!

Yesterday, we all worked and laughed and had fun at work. The office was a little quiet since some of us were attending the AOG conference at the Perth International Convention Centre.

Today everyone came back to work to the news that our colleague has passed away.

He was 32.

He was planning to get married this Saturday.

He collapsed and died at home late last night.

No, he didn't smoke and he's fit as a fiddle.

Stop taking the person beside you for granted. Especially your loved ones.

Today, spend a little more time listening to the people around you.

 

 

National Geographic Scenes

Travelling to Work in Perth

The only thing missing from this picture is a bus.

How people travel to and from work in Perth - bus, train, car and bicycle.

It's the Haze, My Dear!

It's hazy in Perth and this time its not the Indonesians fault.

Smoke tops pollution limit

The thick haze hovering over metropolitan Perth was heavier than many polluted Asian cities and peaked at almost twice the national environmental standard this week.

Heavy smoke from a bushfire in the South West has travelled as far north as Geraldton as firefighters continue to battle the blaze near Northcliffe, which began during a lightning storm more than a week ago.

Air quality readings for particles in the air reported by the Department of Environment and Conservation have revealed the level of PM10, or coarse particles, peaked at 89.5 micrograms per cubic metre on Tuesday.

Australia's national environmental protection measure is 50 micrograms per cubic metre.

A Department of Health spokesman said the average levels were high enough to be unhealthy but not hazardous to the general population.

"Most people manage their exposure quite well by staying inside or going to enclosed places such as shopping centres to get away from the smoke," he said.

Director of the Lung Institute of WA Professor Philip Thompson said people with respiratory illness, including asthma, emphysema, bronchitis and cystic fibrosis, would be most at risk this week and should be on alert for any changes in symptoms.

Perth air is typically among the cleanest on the planet with PM10 levels usually averaging 13, the World Health Organisation reported.

Weather Bureau spokesman Neil Bennett said winds blowing from the south had pushed smoke as far north as Geraldton and a variety of weather conditions had created an "inversion" which trapped the haze close to the ground longer than usual.

"Instead of the temperatures cooling with height, they are actually warming with height," Mr Bennett said.

"The inversion prevents the air from rising vertically - it traps it."

He said Perth residents could expect thick haze again today but it was expected to clear by Saturday with the arrival of a cold front across the southern half of the State.

The Northcliffe blaze has been contained. It has burnt about 24,000ha but has not destroyed any homes.

About 90 firefighters are working to protect the communities of Windy Harbour, Northcliffe, Camfield, surrounding rural areas and recreational parks.

My 30th Birthday....

It was my 30th birthday and I wasn't feeling too great when I woke up that morning.

I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone "Happy Birthday."

I figured, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday."

I felt a little better - at least someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, she smiled at me and said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

Mad at my wife for forgetting about my birthday, not to mention that Janet was quite beautiful, I felt justified in staying. "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a few minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

They were all singing Happy Birthday... and there I sat on the couch... naked.

Joke: Neil Armstrong and "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," statement but followed it up with several remarks to the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 in Tampa, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

Armstrong explained, "When I was a kid, I was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. My friend hit a fly ball that landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. My neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As I leaned down to pick up the ball, I heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Simulating a 1000-Year Storm

Ever wondered how a 1000-year storm looks like? Well, if you cant live a 1000 years to witness one, dont despair. Video below simulates the effects of a 1000-year storm in a lab.

1000 Year Hurricane, 180 degrees from Houston Offshore on Vimeo.

What Happened in the White House After JFK was Assassinated?

 

 

What happened at the White House after John F. Kennedy was assassinated?

 

Listen to recordings released by the White House about what happened in the White House almost 50 years ago when JFK was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald.

 

Read the whole story at the Mirror.

 

 

Joke: A Redhead, a Brunette and a Blonde

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

How Landing in a Crosswind Looks Like?

All though landing through a crosswind is quite common, none are quite as severe as experienced at the Düsseldorf International Airport in Germany last week.

Joke: Running Away from the Police

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

How it Feels to Be Deported from a Country at the Immigration.

This article was taken from Chris Guillebeau's Art of Non Conformity site and I found it interesting how he describes his adventure (I wouldnt call it an ordeal since he had planned for such an event to happen) about being deported from a country where he didnt have his required visa to enter.






JANUARY 26, 2012
UPON BEING DEPORTED FROM ERITREA



I always knew it would happen one day.

Having successfully arrived in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Angola without the necessary visas, I had been pushing my luck.

Having challenged Belarus to a blogging duel, complete with a response by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I was no stranger to difficult countries. But last weekend in Eritrea, the luck ran out.

Let's be clear: I'm not interested in taking unnecessary risks. In each case where I've had to take my chances on traveling without a visa, it was because all other options had exhausted themselves. I would have much preferred to have the necessary permission instead of trying to pull off an East African wedding crasher routine. Nevertheless, sometimes the best laid plans fall by the wayside, and that's when you have to make a decision.

In Saudi Arabia's case, the New York consulate came through with the visa at the last possible minute -- and then promptly mailed my passport back to Portland, instead of holding it for local pickup on my way out of the country as agreed. Angola just kept the money and returned my passport without a word -- and without the visa.

Eritrea, however, was the worst offender of all. Having paid for the visa a total of three times and waited a full 90 days with my passport at their Washington, D.C. embassy without results, I was in a quandary. With only 15 countries left on my list and 13 months to go, I couldn't keep putting it off.

I decided to go for it and travel to the country anyway. What choice did I have? Passive resistance wasn't getting me very far.

I managed to obtain my Egypt Air boarding passes in Madrid with only minimal subterfuge. Airlines are responsible for ensuring that passengers have the necessary approvals before traveling, so I knew there would be an interrogation of sorts. I decided I wouldn't lie if directly asked about something, but I wasn't above leaving out a few key facts if necessary.

It wasn't that difficult; the agent was bored and had already printed the boarding passes when she remembered to check on the visa. I showed her my paperwork with a smile (but without the visa) and she wished me a good trip. So far, so good.

After a four-hour flight to Cairo, I powered up with an espresso and chocolate muffin. While sipping the coffee and preparing to board the final flight, I thought about the possible outcomes for the night ahead, based on ten years of experience in convincing random countries to allow me to visit.

Outcome 1: It would take some doing, but I'd get the entry visa upon arrival after pleading my case to various higher-ups. Predicted odds: 50%.

Outcome 2: I would get the entry visa upon arrival without any trouble at all, and my whole concern would be for nothing. Predicted odds: 25%.

Outcome 3: I would have a serious problem, would not get the entry visa, and would be thrown out of the country or thrown into jail. Predicted odds: 25%.

***

We landed after 2am and I was wide awake with nervous excitement. What would happen? How would the night end? Do Eritrean prisons have WiFi?

The plane parked on the tarmac and I rode a shuttle bus to the terminal with all the other passengers, most of whom were Eritrean. I began to feel relieved as the bus made the short trip; despite the late hour, everyone was smiling. Some of them caught my eye and said, "Welcome to Eritrea!"

"Welcome home!" I said in reply. The friendliness was a good sign, I thought.

Upon arrival at the first immigration blockade, however, I quickly realized that Option 2 -- the easy entry without any trouble -- was definitely out.

"You don't have a visa?" the first guy asked, seeming genuinely surprised.

"Not yet," I said, projecting confidence and wearing my only nice shirt of the trip. (I had even made sure to tuck it in before landing. When crashing a country, you only get one chance to make a first impression.)

I had no visa, but I was not without ammunition. "Here is my landing card, my passport photo, my hotel reservation, and my return ticket," I said, presenting the papers with a flourish. "How much does the visa cost?"

This ruse often works. Four years of arguing with numerous government leaders in West Africa followed by another six years of frequent international travel has taught me the power of paper. If you don't have the right piece of paper for the job, bring lots of other paper instead.

Unfortunately, the paper-pushing trick didn't work on the first guy, and the second guy I was referred to didn't even look at any of the printouts. I kept getting passed off higher and higher until I finally ended up in the office of the Chief Immigration Officer. It was here I would make my last stand.

Alas, this final challenge did not begin well. In another ominous sign, the Chief Immigration Officer was not nearly as friendly as the smiling Eritreans I had rode in on the bus with. I tried some light banter: "Wow, I'm really excited to be here. Do you guys have a hop-on, hop-off bus? Any theme parks I should visit?"

Despite my brilliant attempt at making friends, the boss didn't seem very interested in getting to know me. An offer of a complimentary Turkish Airways amenity kit from a previous flight was also swatted away.

I sat and waited, feeling optimistic ("60/40 odds," I told myself. "Maybe even 70/30"). Calls were made. Officials were dispatched to check the records to see where I had previously applied for visas at the embassy in Washington. Long conversations about me were conducted in a language I didn't understand, although naturally I assumed that the phrases "bestselling author" and "popular Facebook page" were spoken.

The longer I waited, the more the odds improved -- or so I thought. Another rule of these situations is that if you keep sitting around patiently, eventually they'll get bored and let you in. Unfortunately, every immigration rule has an exception. All of a sudden, the waiting shifted to action, and the action wasn't good.

In Which It All Comes To An Abrupt End

I couldn't believe it, but after two hours of making new friends while gently pleading my case, I was going out on the return flight to Cairo... which now left in ten minutes. No way! But indeed, that was the plan, and I had no vote in the matter.

The Chief Immigration Officer assigned me a handler, who marched me outside the airport and guided me around to the departure area in front. I was disappointed and sleep-deprived, but when I was given a hand-written boarding pass I still remembered to ask the all-important question: "Can you add my Frequent Flyer number?"

Yes, if I was really going to be deported, at least I'd earn miles for it. It's 1,130 miles from Asmara to Cairo, plus any special "last minute deportation" bonuses that happen to be on special. Lesson: never pass up miles or points when they come your way.

Everyone else had boarded and the plane was ready to go. My handler, the Egyptian Airlines station manager, and a couple of hangers-on walked me back out the tarmac and up the steps of the waiting plane. Inside the cabin, the station manager handed my passport to the purser and instructed him to return it only upon reaching the transit desk in Cairo. I never like to be without my passport, but such was the price to pay for being deported.

The plane took off and I dozed against the window, looking down at Asmara as we prepared to leave Eritrean airspace on the way back to Egypt. Exhaustion was creeping in after staying up all night, but the whole time I was thinking about one important question: does this count as a country visit?

Ask the Readers: Does This Count?

People often ask what my criteria is for visiting a country. Long story short, I don't really have any. My one rule is that I don't count airport stops -- simply being in transit isn't enough. I've been on two flights that have touched down in Khartoum, for example, but since I didn't get off the plane, I still can't say that I've been to Sudan.

This case is trickier, though. I've paid to go to Eritrea on multiple occasions. I did make it to the airport, and even outside the airport. I had an extended interrogation session with several interesting people. It wasn't like going on a tour of the interior and stopping by a few villages, but it was certainly a story-worthy experience.

Even if it probably shouldn't count as a true visit, the honest truth is that I really don't know if I'll be allowed back into Eritrea, at least anytime soon. After 90 days of pestering the embassy and paying the fee three times, they still returned my passport with no visa.

The Eritreans I talked with have all been very friendly, much like the Ethiopians I know. But the government has a reputation for being hostile and highly secretive. Eritrea is in a long-standing conflict with Ethiopia, and the U.S. government is on the side of the Ethiopians. I've never held any position in the government and don't have anything to do with politics, but when it comes to immigration and travel restrictions, these things matter.

When I visited Angola last year, I also had visa problems and wasn't expecting to be able to enter the country, instead planning an extended transit. After much stress with the embassy and repeated payoffs, I had finally made my peace with accepting that the Angola visit might need to have an asterisk next to it. Much to my surprise, however, when I went there I was actually allowed free reign of Luanda -- thus obviating the need for the asterisk.

I'm tempted to put this visit in the same category, but I'd like to know what you think.

For those who are still reading, have I officially been to Eritrea, or will I need to regroup yet again and make another plan?

Share your opinion (yes/no/something else) here.

Go easy on me...